The past always catches up with you in the end
by anna42hmr
Summary: A chance enconter on a beach brings back a painful past for a couple of hollyoaks characters
1. Chapter 1

Everyday it was the same routine, but she would not change a thing, well that's not quite true, she would give anything for him to be there, but that was not to be. She made that choice a long while ago, and once she made that choice, there was no going back.

She remembered the day that she realised what she had to do, she had to get away from Hollyoaks, there was no point in ruining his life, if he was with her he wanted her to be there because he wanted to, not because he felt obliged to be there, with them.

Flashback - She was lying in his arms, he was fast asleep beside her, she however was unable to sleep, his hand was on her tummy, little did he know, that his hand was above their child. Tears were running down her face, crying silently to herself, praying he did not wake up, realising that when they both woke up, history would end up repeating itself. She had been here many times before now, and time and time again, she thought that maybe it would work this time, maybe they had a chance, this time she new differently though. It was then she decided that she knew what she had to do.

That was 3 years ago now, and her life was good, it was not like it used to be, or what she had planned, but she had a couple of good friends, and her and Katie were happy, she had a good job, lived by the beach and life was good, they were settled, just the 2 of them.

Little did she know, that the past was soon about to catch up with her, but would that be for the good or bad.


	2. Chapter 2

(PS I have made up a few characters for the purpose of the story)

After the plane finally landed at Palma Airport, Zack, Zoë, Chris, Gilly, Rhys, Steph, Emma, Elliott and Isabelle were waiting at baggage claim, all eager for the holiday to start properly. The plane had been delayed for 5 hours, so tempers had been frayed, but they were starting to relax and calm down now they had finally got to Majorca.

Gilly, Rhys Kris and Zack were messing around with the luggage trolleys, and despite Zoë's warning that someone was going to get hurt, they were still content with seeing who could push each other the fastest. Unfortunately Zoë's prediction came true, as the lads soon ended up colliding into one another, and fell on each other in a heap. All 4 of them ended up getting bruised or limping, "Don't look to us for sympathy" Emma responded, "Zo told you what would happen" All the while Zac was mimicking what his girlfriend was saying, though he promptly stopped when he felt her elbow in his stomach "Ouch that hurt" Emmas only response was "Good, stop taking the mick then, and help with the luggage" "Yes Mam!" he replied jokingly.

Finally they had all got their luggage and headed out of the airport for the rest of the holiday. Since they had all graduated, they had gone there separate ways, but they had agreed that once a year they would get together for a holiday and some fun. However there was one person who's absence was notable, but was never mentioned.


	3. Chapter 3

Her departure all those years ago had hit all of them hard, but particularly Zoë and Kris, they had no warning of her leaving, she had told them she was visiting her parents for a couple of days, they had all said bye to her expecting her to be back, little did they realise at the time, that as soon as they had left to go to their lectures, she pulled out the rest of her suitcases and bags, and packed up all her belongings in the flat, and locked her room door.

A few days had passed before they realised she was not coming back, she was due back on the Tuesday, but when Wednesday, Thursday and Friday had passed with no signs of her return, they got worried, however no matter how many texts or messages they left on her phone, there was no response from her. The following week HCC admin let the room to another student, and whilst the new flatmate, Isabelle had become a close friend to them all over the years, the others had not got over the disappearance of their former friend from their lives, leaving a path of confusion, anger and hurt behind her.

No one knew why she had left, and that was what hurt the most, they thought they were close to her, especially Zoë and Kris, but it goes to show, that appearances could be deceptive. They knew she was alive, as Zoë had managed to speak to her parents not long after she had left, but they would not give anything away as to her whereabouts or why she had left without saying a word to her friends.


	4. Chapter 4

The gang had finally left the airport, and had got to the hotel, everyone had decided to unpack and then meet up in the hotel bar a little later on to decide the plan of action for that evening.

Meanwhile, she had just got home from work, that was the one great thing about her living in Majorca, due to the Spanish heat most companies started early in the morning, and whilst she was never a morning person, it meant that she could finish work by 2pm, and spend the rest of the day with her little angel, Katie. Her life in Spain was not easy at first, alone and pregnant, but luckily a friend of her fathers from his old university had managed to get her a job at the media centre. She enjoyed her job, as it was working for a company that produced an English language newspaper, Radio Station and TV station, aimed mainly at the ex-pats living in Majorca, and the neighbouring islands. At least she was writing for a living, nothing major, just the odd article, radio, television script etc, but it was enough to support her and Katie and put a roof over their heads. They were living in a cosy little 2 bedroom apartment, certainly nothing like she had been used to growing up, but it was hers and she was proud of it, she had earned and paid for it herself and not having to rely on anyone elses finances.


	5. Chapter 5

It was around 6pm, and she decided she did not fancy cooking anything, so she and Katie went to a local restaurant for dinner, the couple that owned it were like a second family to her, they too were British ex pats, and she liked to go there, as in many ways it reminded her of her own family, back in England.

Meanwhile back at the hotel, the girls had already finished unpacking and decided they wanted to explore the area, so they decided to leave the lads at the hotel bar playing pool, and they decided to go for a walk along the beachfront. Steph, Zoë and Emma ended up detouring into a shoe shop, so Isabelle decided to go and grab herself a drink so agreed with the others that she would go to a restaurant/pub over the road and get the drinks in and they would all meet there shortly.

Just as Isabelle walked into the bar, out ran an adventurous toddler, who ended up crashing into her legs, with her mum chasing behind her. "So sorry about that," she said to the stranger, "no problem", Isabelle replied" "Katie next time, when I say wait, I mean wait!" "Sorry mummy" she replied, Katie had an adorable smile that so resembled her fathers, sometimes her heart broke when she saw her daughters smile, as it bought back so many memories, good and bad.

" Are you alright, she did not hurt you did she" "no don't worry about it, how old is she, she is a beautiful child", "she is just over 2 and a half, and getting more cheeky by the day," she laughed. "I am Isabelle by the way, are you on holiday here?" "No I've lived her for the last couple of years. Sorry, where are my manners, my name is…

But before she could say here name, someone who had just walked in the bar had said it for her…


	6. Chapter 6

Jess is that you!! Steph shrieked as she walked up towards her, Jess went white, and slowly turned towards her old friends, Zoë stood alongside Steph hurt and angry, suddenly seeing Jess again, bought back the memories of the day that they had realised that Jess had left without saying a word, betraying the friendship they had once had.

All of the girls were in shock, except Isabel, who had arrived in the village after Jess had left, Emma, who was not as close to Jess when she left (as she had only arrived in the village a couple of months before Jess's departure) was the next one to speak, all were too shocked to say anything. "Wow jess, long time, no see" "yes it is replied Jess" not sure what to do or say to the people she new she had hurt all those years ago.

The gang stood there practically in silence, until Katie called Jess "Mummy who are dey?" she asked in her in her baby talk "some old friends of mine sweetie," all the girls gawp in surprise, when they realised the toddler was Jess's little girl

"I am sorry," Jess stated, I have to go and get her to bed "don't let us stop you, you don't have to tell us you are leaving, you never bothered before" Zoë snapped at Jess "Please Zo, I know I was wrong, please don't be like that" "I will be how I want to be Jess, you have no idea how things went down after you left, Kris was a mess, and I had lost someone I thought was my best friend, after what happened with Will we became so close, or I thought we did, but obviously I was wrong." "I am sorry Zo, you have no idea how much I have missed you and how sorry I am" "Don't Jess, I do not want to hear it, just go will you" "Zoë, please" "No Jess, that's it, I have nothing more to say to you" "Fine, if that is what you want, but here is my number, incase you change your mind, I really mean it Zo, I miss you, I missed all of you" Jess gives Zoë her number, but Zoë barely takes any notice of the bit of paper she is given, and simply screws it up in front of Jess and puts it in an empty ashtray, Jess is hurt by the reaction, and is unable to say anything, so she walks out of the bar/restaurant, carrying her daughter in her arms, with tears in her eyes, but at the same time knowing that had she been in Zoë's position, she would probably be the same. After what the two of them went through together with Will, she was not surprised that Zoë took her going without a word so badly.

The girls ordered the drinks and sat down, Steph tried to broach the subject with Zoë but she did not want to talk about it.

Meanwhile, Jess arrived home, put her daughter to bed and opened a bottle of wine and some photo albums she had dared not look at for years. As she sat staring at the photos of the old gang, of her with Kris, her Olivia and Jo, and her and Zac, memory after memory re-surfaced in her mind, some good and some bad, some funny and some sad, she started softly crying to herself, feeling more alone than ever, sure she had made friends in Majorca, but nothing like what she had at home, and today with Zoë's reaction, she realised that there was never any going back. And in reality, she did not blame them for the reaction they had.


	7. Chapter 7

Three days had passed since Jess bumped into them at the bar, she had hoped that by some miracle she would see them again and be able to explain everything that happened, but as each day and night went, she lost hope of that happening. Around her new friends she put up a front, she had always been good at doing that, but in the last few years she had managed to make it a fine art, and no one saw the pain she felt underneath. Since she left Hollyoaks, she had built a wall around her heart, and whilst she had friends in her life and family, she would never truly let them in, afraid that she would break again.

There was only one person who had penetrated her heart fully these days, and that was her baby girl, her little angel, and the only link she had to him. From the moment she held Katie in her arms, she felt such a love, and joy, but at the same time it was bittersweet. Katie resembled her father so much, from her eyes, to her smile, to her mischievous attitude, and over the years the toddler had became more and more like her father everyday. It was something that amazed Jess, and in a way, she still had him in her life, but it always caused her heart to break, that she would never be held in his arms again, and her daughter would not know the man her mother had fallen in love with all those years ago and was never able to get over. And she knew that the only person she could really blame for that was herself.


	8. Chapter 8

"I still don't think this is right Zo" Steph said as she and Zoë were sitting by the hotel pool, the lads were in the swimming pool, splashing and racing each other.

"Look I know you don't, but its for the best, you know how he was when she went, he was a mess for months, she made her decision, shes moved on, he is only just starting to be himself again, and I don't want to risk him going back to that"

In her mind Steph knew Zoë was right, after Jess left, Kris went into self-destruct mode, drinking heavily, mixing with people who were not good for him, and experimenting with things he should not have been, from drugs, to sleeping around. He shut those out who cared about him for a long while, and it was only when tragedy had hit one of the people he had started to hang around with, he realised that he was going to end up the same way – dead – if he carried on. Luckily the gang had not turned the back on him, and slowly with their help, Kris was able to get back on the straight (or not so straight) and narrow.

The other girls came over to the sun loungers, with drinks in their hand, "what are you pair whispering about" "We were talking about you know who, Steph still feels guilty about not telling Kris that she is here" "I know how you feel, but we all agreed the other day that im, god knows how he will take it, he could spiral out of control again" "I know, you are if we tell h right," Steph replied "Its just I hate keeping secrets from him, and maybe she has a reason that she left"

"Look, so what if she has a reason to leave, she could have at least told us what was going on, besides she obviously shacked up with the first person she met her and got knocked up, as that baby is about 2 I reckon," Zoë said bitterly

"Come on Zo, that's not like Jess"

"How do we know, yes the Jess we knew could be selfish or thoughtless at time, but the Jess I thought I knew would not have left like that, it is her fault that Kris went how he did, and I cant forgive or forget that"

And whilst Zoë was telling the truth in that statement, another reason she could not forgive or forget was the personal betrayal she felt, she thought that her and Jess could tell each other everything. After Will had kidnapped them both and held her and Jess hostage for a while, Jess and Zoë had become closer than ever, and Zoë thought she new everything about her former friend.

"What are you lot plotting over here" asked Kris, he had just got out of the pool, and walked towards the girls to get his drink. "What, um, nothing, nothing at all" Zoe replied flustered "Liar" "no I am not" "Zo, you are a crap liar, you know that" "If you must know its just that…"


	9. Chapter 9

"If you must know, we were trying to come up for a surprise for your birthday, nosey" Steph quickly covered, whilst she hated the lies, she knew deep down that Zoe was right. "Oh what you planning then" "that would be telling, you will have to wait, its only 2 days time, now scram so we can carry on talking about you" Steph laughed.

Kris walked back towards the pool and jumped straight in, the splash he caused soaked the girls, who glared at the lads who all thought it was highly amusing

"Phew, that was close!!" Emma stated. " It was close, look she is the past, and I think for Kris' sake we need to drop this subject, and forget we ever saw her, are we all agreed"

All the girls agreed, though some were more reluctant than others.

"Anyway, lets get on with sorting out something for Kris birthday, he will be really suss if nothing happens" I know, I saw a flier the other day for a place in Magaluf called "Maison Place" (made up name for the story, does not exist) any way it is a night club, but certain nights they have entertainment on, and on Thursday they have karaoke, comedians and strippers, "I aint going to watch women get there kit off thanks" Isabelle jokes, "duh, its male strippers, so it would be a laugh for us, plus Kris would like it, not sure if the other lads will though," Emma laughed. "now that would be worth it for the lads reactions!!" Steph joked. "Plus apparently for birthdays they can arrange for a reserved VIP seating area to watch the all the entertainment from, plus birthday cake, and free bottle of champagne etc, what do you guys think?" Sounds great, should be a good night, lets get it booked then.

The girls shouted bye to the lads who were still in the pool and went to get Kris birthday surprise sorted out.


	10. Chapter 10

Later that evening, everyone had all started getting ready to go out for a night clubbing, all except for Steph, who was staring at crumpled piece of paper in her hands in the hotel bar.

"What's that Steph" Zack asked startling her, "Sorry, didn't mean to make you jump" "Its ok, I was just thinking, that's all" "anything important, you look upset" "no nothing" the girls had a agreed earlier not so say anything to the lads, they knew that it would be difficult for them not to tell Kris if they new they had bumped into Jess. Zack noticed Steph was still wearing what she was earlier on in the day, so asked her if she was going to get ready, as they were all going soon, Steph did not feel like going out tonight, she had too much on her mind, and still felt guilty for what was going on, so decided to make her excuses, so said she was not feeling well, so was going to stay at the hotel tonight.

One by one the rest of the gang entered the hotel bar, and kept asking Steph if she was sure she did not want to come, or if she wanted someone to stay and keep her company. Steph declined their offers, just saying she was going to take some painkillers and have an early night. Eventually all of them were in the hotel bar Steph sat with them for one drink, before they went out, as Steph said bye to them, they all checked again that she did not want them to say in, she assured them she was fine, and walked with them to the hotel lobby, kissed or hugged them all good night and made her way to the hotel lifts and went to her room as the others walked out the hotel.

Once alone in her hotel room, Steph decided to sit out on the balcony to think, enjoying the peace and quiet. But she was unable to keep the thoughts of Jess out of her mind. She could not help but wonder how she would feel if Cam had suddenly reappeared and all her friends had kept it from her to protect her, she knew that what had happened with Jess and Kris more extreme, but it still bugged her. Steph sat out on the balcony for over an hour and could not help but stare at the piece of paper in her hands again.


	11. Chapter 11

Steph was still sitting on the hotel balcony, but her mind was still busy with the thoughts of the secret the girls were holding from Kris, she decided to go into her room and watch some telly to see if that would help distract her.

Meanwhile back at Jess's apartment, Jess had not long got Katie to bed, and after reading 5 stories to the little girl, she was eventually asleep. Jess enjoyed her life in Spain, but it was nights like these when her daughter was in bed and she was alone with her thoughts, that Jess often regretted what she had done, and often wondered how she could make things right. But she realised, she had left it too long, she could not go back and undo what she did, she had made her bed and she had to lie in it.

Even if she could see him again, she doubted he would ever forgive her, and she would not blame him, she let him down like so many people in his life had. She had abandoned him, like they had, his so-called family, she couldn't help but recall the pain and heartache he went through with his family after his brother had shown up in the village. Not only had his brother rejected him because of his bi-sexuality and his cross dressing ways, but once his parents found out, they cut him off entirely, saying they only had one son and Kris was not it.

Jess was soon jolted out of her thoughts and memories, by the sound of the telephone ringing. Jess wiped the tears from her eyes, that she had not even realised had started and walked to answer the phone.

"Hello?" Jess answered

"Hi is that you Jess?"

"Yes it is, who is this"

"Its me Jess, Its …"

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Jess was still in shock at who had rang her half an hour before, and was pacing up and down the her living room floor, waiting for her visitor to arrive. Suddenly there was a knock at the apartment door, taking a deep breath Jess walked to the door and answered it, nervous but happy at the same time.

"Hi" "Hi, come in"

Jess's guest walked in the room, they both looked at each other for a few minutes, not knowing what to say, or where to start, suddenly both girls locked eyes, and burst into laughter. "Look at us you would think we had never met before"

"You're right, I can believe you are here, I had given up hope of any of you calling me, not that I blame you." Jess and Steph hugged, and whilst they were happy to see each other, both were still nervous about the conversation they knew they were going to have to have.

The girls started with small talk at first, talking about their jobs and families, and what had happened since they had last seen each other, all the while sidestepping the subject of Jess leaving and the aftermath.

Eventually Steph got the courage to bring it up, "Jess, I need to know something," "You want to know why I left don't you?" Yes, and why you left in the way you did" The girls had a long talk, as Jess explained her story, and suddenly her reasons became clear to Steph, and a lot of the hurt she felt towards Jess evaporate, and in its place was sadness, and understanding. Steph went on to tell Jess what had happened with Kris, and how the others took her leaving, explaining that Jess departure had upset them all but non felt it as much as Kris and Zoë. Steph also realised that the earlier assumption that Katie was the daughter of someone Jess had met in Majorca was wrong. Jess after learning about what Kris had done to him, was filled up with so much guilt.

The only thing that was not mentioned, was that Kris was in Majorca, Jess had assumed the girls were on there own on a girlie holiday, and Steph for the time being decided to let her keep that impression, whilst Steph tried to work out where to go from here. She could see that Jess was still in love with Kris, her eyes lit up when she spoke about him, and her eyes were also filled with unshed tears when she learnt what effect her leaving had on Kris.


	13. Chapter 13

Steph managed to get back to the hotel room, and into bed with only 15 minutes to spare before Zoë got back to their room after clubbing, Jess and Steph had stayed up at Jess's until the early hours, and lost track of time, Steph had to rush back to the hotel, as she knew that she had broke the promise she mad to the others about forgetting about seeing Jess. She knew she would have to broach the subject with them sooner or later, but it was 4 in the morning and she was too tired to think get into it now, plus she needed time to process her thoughts. She new if she could get them to talk to Jess and understand why she did what she did, they may be able to put the past behind them.

It was about 11 am by the time Zoë woke up, she looked over to Stephs bed to find she was not there, it was then she heard a noise on the balcony, so she went out there "Morning sleepy head, good night was it" "It was great thanks, you missed a good one, it is ashame you weren't there, you feeling better now?" "Yes, I feel great thanks". "Zo, can I ask you something," "Sure what" "if there was a reason Jess left, do you think you could ever be friends again, or at least forgive her?" "Steph not now, no more talk of her, she is no longer part of my life" "But Zoë," "No Steph, I know you mean well but drop it" Though it was the last thing she wanted to do, she decided that there was no point pushing it further with Zoë, as she did not want to fall out with her friend.

The girls had filled the lads in on the surprise for Kris's birthday the next day, but there was a few things they wanted to get sorted out for it as well, so the gang decided that someone needed to get Kris out of the way whilst the rest of the gang got the final plans made. It was then that Steph decided she needed to test the waters with Kris, so she volunteered. Getting Kris out though was a miracle in itself as he still had a huge hangover, and took a few threats from Steph for him to agree to go out for a walk with her. After a while, his headache started to disappear and he and Steph were sitting on the beach in a deserted cove just talking and laughing.

It was then that Steph decided to get serious. "Kris, can I ask you something" "Sure go ahead" "Do you ever wish you could go back in time, and change things" "Sometimes, why" "I, its, I…" "its what Steph, come on out with it" "Its sometimes, I wake up in the night after dreams and I imagine that Cam is still here with me, then I realise it's a dream, he was not there, sometimes, I feel like there will not be anyone else I feel about how I did about him, even after all these years" "you have to move on with your life, Steph, the past will eat you up if you let it, look at what it did to me" "I know, but…" "But what" I cant help wonder what if all of a sudden he was back in my life again, and how that would be". "Kris, Do you ever" Steph then hesitated, "Do I ever what?" "Nothing it doesn't matter," replied Steph, she suddenly lost her nerve to bring her up. "I take it you are referring to whether I still think about her, about Jess?" Steph turned her head towards Kris sharply, "how do you know" "I could see you were hesitant, and she is the only person no one talks about when I am around" Steph was in shock, in the years since he had realised she was gone and never coming back, she had not once heard him utter her name.


	14. Chapter 14

Steph and Kris had been gone for a couple of hours, the gang had finished the preparations for Kris' birthday the following day, and was wondering where they had got to. "I thought they were only going to be an hour at the most, wonder where they got to" asked Rhys. They did not have to wonder for long, as Steph and Kris were walking up the road. "Where'd you pair get to" "don't ask," replied Kris, she managed to get us lost" he lied, not wanting the others to know about the conversation he and Steph had been having earlier. They all decided to go to the beach, just as they were leaving the hotel, Kris held Steph back, so he could talk to her without the others hearing, "Look what we were talking about, I don't want it to go any further, that was between me and you ok?" "Of course it is, I wont say anything".

Steph watched Kris and the others from her spot on the beach, Kris was acting so care free and happy, and it was only after today's chat that she realised that he too was putting on an act, that deep down he missed and loved her still, but was also filled with hurt anger and confusion. Steph did not realise to that day Kris thought it was his fault she had left, - flashback to earlier – "you asked me before if I could ever go back and change something, to be honest, yes I would, I would find out what I did that made her leave me, like the others did, and change what ever I did that made them go" "Others, what do you mean, besides, how do you know it was because of you she left" "Come on Steph, who is the common denominator here," he replied sadly, Steph could realise he was trying to hold back the tears. "I don't get what you mean" "Easy, Jess, Mum, Dad, Mal, my grandparents, most of my old mates from school, one by one, they have cut me out of their lives, because of who I am, why do you think I did what I did Steph, with the drinking, the drugs, the screwing around, I was trying to forget, and in a way I was trying to destroy myself, no one gave a thought to how I was, so why should I care what I do to myself" "She was just another one in a long line that left" Steph did not know what to say, as everything she could think of sounded lame, so she just held Kris, while he sobbed in her arms. – End flashback.

She had tried to broach the subject of Jess again with the girls, but they were having non of it, so Steph decided there and then, she would have to take matters into her own hands, and no matter what the outcome was good or bad, at least closure could be found, which is something that had been lacking since Jess had disappeared.

But how would she do it? She spent the afternoon on the beach apparently reading in her book, but all along her brain was working overtime trying to work out how to sort this whole mess out.


	15. Chapter 15

It was the morning of Kris' birthday, Steph had waited for Zoe to go out of the hotel room they were sharing, and she made the phone call. The person on the other end was hesitant at the suggestion, but Steph eventually talked them into the suggestion. The gang had agreed on going to a water park for the day so as soon as she finished on the call she got all her stuff together and went down stairs to the hotel reception and waited for the others. The whole gang had fun at the water park, but they could tell Steph was distracted about something, but would not say what. By 3 pm, they had all had enough at the waterpark, so they all went back to the hotel for a siesta to prepare themselves for the long night ahead, at Kris birthday celebration.

Later on, they all went for something to eat at the hotel restaurant, and decided to take Kris' presents down with them, so whilst they were eating, Kris was opening his presents from the others, and spent the rest of the meal laughing and joking. Once they had done eating they all headed up to their rooms to get ready.

By now it was late in the evening, the comedians and the strippers had been on at the club and now they had turned it over to the Karaoke part of the night, by now all of them had had plenty to drink, and were having a great time, Kris was on the Karaoke machine and had just finished singing the Beatles anthem Hey Jude, the rest of the gang had been cheering him on, and before he got of stage, he spoke to them in the mike (his voice was somewhat slurred he was slightly drunk), and said "I just want to thank my mates over there, you're great, I love you all, you are all like family to me and I could not .."

Kris suddenly stopped, as someone who had just walked into the bar had caught his attention, he closed his eyes momentarily thinking he was seeing things in his drunken haze, but she was still there when he opened them she was still there, by this time the others had turned to where Kris was staring, and all were surprised, however not for the same reason, the lads who knew nothing of Jess being in Majorca, were shocked by the very sight of her, whilst the girls were confused as to know where they had been going that night.

Zoe glanced at Steph, who was the only one not surprised by Jess's presence, "You told her where we were didn't you?" Zoe accused, all of a sudden Gilly and Zack turned around, "you knew she was here??" all the girls felt uncomfortable, knowing they had kept the truth from the lads. An argument proceeded between the group, and it was a couple of minutes later before they realised both Kris and Jess were no longer in the club.

In Kris's drunken confusion, he ran out of the club, not wanting to deal with any of it, Jess called after him, but he refused to listen, and kept running. It was then Jess decided she had to try to tell him everything so she chased after him.


	16. Chapter 16

It felt like she had been running for hours, in reality it had probably been only 20 minutes or so, her feet were killing her in her new shoes, so she had to stop for a minute, unfortunately it was then that she lost him. She sat on a bench overlooking the beach and tears started to stream down her face. As she looked out into the horizon, she saw a figure moving in the moonlit along the beach. She hoped it was Kris, but from this distance she could not be sure, she slowly walked towards the man in the distance, quietly and slowly, in fear that if it was Kris, she would scare him off again.

As she got closer, she realised it was Kris, and slowly approached him, she sat down by him and heard a sound of him crying gently. Kris had his face in his hands and did not even realise she was next to him, until she gently stroked him arm, "Kris?" His head shot up, and suddenly looked into her eyes, neither knew what to say, they were just locked into the moment, suddenly they moved there heads closer, and momentarily they kissed, all of a sudden though Kris jolted away from her, and walked away, Jess followed him, trying to get him to look after her "Get lost Jess" "Please Kris, can we talk" "Why would I want to talk to a selfish cow like you, go to hell Jess" his hate and venom in the way he spoke shocked her, they had fought in the past, but even at the most heated, she never saw the look in his eyes that was there in this instant. It was then she realised that she could never take back what she did and she new he would hate her forever, and that was before she told him about keeping their child a secret. She tried again to talk to him, but Kris refused and just walked away, Jess realising she was defeated just sat on the beach, crying, and thinking how much she had destroyed any chances they once had.

After a while, she decided to go back to the apartment so the babysitter could go home. After the babysitter had left, Jess walked towards her daughters' room, and opened the door and lay beside her daughter, needing to feel the comfort of having here near, as silent tears were shed for what may have been once upon a time.

Meanwhile back in the hotel room, Kris was lying in his bed staring at the sealing, unable to sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

There was an atmosphere at the hotel the next day Zoë was angry at Steph for going behind her back, the lads were angry the girls had not told them about bumping into Jess, and Kris was putting on an act that he could care less that she was around.

Steph spoke to Jess on the phone, and could tell that Jess was cut up about it, Steph also knew deep down Kris was in love with Jess still, but would not show it, so Steph managed to convince Jess to make one more attempt to speak to Kris, so Jess walked into the hotel, and knocked on Kris's hotel room door. When he opened the door, Jess could see the pain in his eyes, but within seconds Kris' mask had re-appeared, and any emotion was suddenly gone from his eyes and face. They had an argument, which resulted in Kris slamming the door in her face.

Just as she was walking out of the hotel, she bumped into Zoë, "What are you doing here, don't you think you did enough damage"

"Zo please" Jess pleaded, but just like Kris, Zoë was having none of it.

A few days had passed and to any outsider they would think nothing was wrong, but in reality there was an under currant of tension between them. Towards the end of the holiday, things had started to calm down, and eventually the gang was back to normal.

It was the second week of the holiday, and they were leaving in a few days time, Kris decided to take a quiet walk along the beach on his own. It was then that Kris noticed a young family in the distance, two young women were walking with another man and a young toddler was playing in the sand by the water edge. The young man suddenly picked the giggling girl up in the air and started swinging her around pretending she was an aeroplane, while the other two women were laughing at their actions. Kris stood watching them for a while, wishing he had his own family. The younger woman took the little girl out of the mans arms and smothered the giggling child with kisses. The man then kissed and hugged the two women and kissed their cheeks and blew a raspberry at the little girl and waved them goodbye as he walked away from the beach. The two women were chatting away oblivious at the person who was watching them, it was then as the women walked towards where Kris was standing. As they got closer, it was then that he realised the beautiful woman carrying the young child was non other than Jess.

It was then Kris realised that Jess had moved on without him, she had obviously settled down with someone else and had a family, and he was determined that one way or another he would get over her and get on with his life, the question was how, and that was something he had been trying to work out for the last couple of years, with little success.

Sure he had a good job at a radio station that broadcasted across the whole of the North of England, and some good mates, even if they did keep secrets from him, but he still could not move past his love for Jessica.


	18. Chapter 18

That night, Kris' sleep was haunted with dreams of the family scene he saw on the beach, except instead of the man he had never seen before, it was him with them, swinging their little girl in his arms, chasing after her on the beach and giving Jess a hug goodbye. He woke up, angry with himself and with his brain for not letting him move on. He joined the others for breakfast, when he learned they had all agreed to go Karting for the day, Kris to try and keep his mind off Jess, agreed to go with them.

The Karting worked, for a few hours Kris managed to forget his troubles, and broken heart, and decided to shut Rhys up, who had been making smart comments about Kris and being laddish not mixing, Kris took a huge delight in beating Rhys time, and everyone else's for that matter, and the look on Rhys' face was a picture.

They all decided to walk back from the Karting Centre, as it was a lovely day. Little did they know that the walk would take them past the very media centre in which Jess worked, and was just leaving right at that moment. Jess said goodbye to her work colleagues and was just about to get in her car, just as she was doing that she saw him and the others walking down the road. She panicked for a second, then realised that this may be her last chance to talk to him, as Steph had told her they were leaving in a few days. Jess took a deep breath and walked over to them, they were all civil towards her except Kris and Zoe who both blanked her completely. This hurt Jess, but decided she needed to try.

"Kris can we talk, there is something I need to speak to you about"

"I thought I made myself clear the other day, what part of drop dead do you not get"

"Please Kris, don't be like that"

"I have every right to be like this" Kris shouted, deep down he did not mean that, but he was too afraid to let her in, to be hurt again, besides he was dreading her telling him about her "happy little family"

"Kris stop being so pig headed, all I am asking is that we talk on our own, if you never want to see me again after that I will never try to contact you again"

"ME PIG HEADED THAT'S A LAUGH," he shouted

"PLEASE CAN WE STOP SHOUTING? PEOPLE ARE WATCHING"

"THAT'S TYPICAL JESS, ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT APPEARNCES"

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT,"

In many ways the screaming match was a flash back to the past for those watching, but unlike the old banter between Kris and Jess, it was filled with anger and hate.

"WHATEVER JESS, JUST GO BACK TO YOUR HAPPY LITTLE FAMILY, AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE"

That very phrase took her back, she knew Steph had not told him about Katie, and from what Steph said, none of the girls had told him of her existence either

"THAT'S RIGHT JESS, I SAW YOU ON THE BEACH, THAT KID OF YOURS, AND WHOEVER THAT POOR BLOKE YOU CONNED, YOU FOOLED HIM INTO BELIEVING YOU WONT LET HIM DOWN TOO! HAVEN'T YOU!"

Jess was shocked, she realise that he must have seen her with Jane and Paul at the beach the other day, Paul was the son of her fathers friend who got her the job at the media centre, Paul was also Katie's god fathe. Paul once upon a time had a crush on Jess, but that was long ago, and they were just friends now, his girlfriend Jane, was one of Jess's few close friends on the island. Jess tried to tell Kris this, but he would not listen, he was too caught up in his anger and hurt at Jess. The two started rowing again, and in the heat of the moment Jess screamed at Kris, "SHE IS YOUR CHILD YOU IDIOT," Everyone went silent. She had not meant to tell him this way, and regretted it instantly.

After a few moments Kris finally responded, "Why should I believe you"

"I promise you it is the truth, I would not lie about this Kris, I swear"

"Your word does not mean much does it Jess, you swore to me that you would not be like the others, that no matter what you would be there, you would be part of my life", Jess had a memory of a conversation they had a long while ago, they were lying in bed, Kris was upset about what had happened with his brother, and he had the conversation with his parents stating they wanted nothing to do with him, he was cut up about it. Jess was holding Kris as he sobbed in her arms, Jess was stroking his hair and holding him in her arms, "you have me no matter what Kris, I will never let you down, or leave you, I am afraid you are stuck with me"

Jess did not know what to say, she knew that Kris did not trust her or believe that she was telling the truth. Kris started to walk towards the hotel, the others were stood motionless staring after him. Jess tried to catch up with Kris, but he had noticed a taxi coming down the road, so before Jess could catch up, he jumped into the taxi, and off he sped out of their sight.


	19. Chapter 19

They had assumed that Kris had gone back to the hotel, Jess was desperate to see Kris, so decided she would go to the hotel with the others, Jess offered them all a lift, however all except for Steph refused, all were still confused and angry at Jess and the outburst she had before, all remembering what happened to Kris, and were all very worried about what he may do. Jess and Steph arrived at the hotel first, Jess was obviously upset about what had happened, the others arrived not much longer, but they found Steph and Jess walking up and down the reception obviously very worried. Kris had not returned to the hotel, and they had no idea where he had gone. Zack had said that maybe he just wants some peace, he will be back soon, but hours had past, and no sign of him. They all decided to sit in the lounge area by the hotel reception, that way there was no way they would miss Kris when he decided to return. Zoë kept sending evil looks towards Jess, and you could cut the tension with a knife. Reluctantly Jess said she had to leave, she had to fetch her daughter from the nursery, Steph promised that as soon as she heard anything she would call.

It was another 4 hours until Kris wondered into the hotel, he had obviously had a few too many to drink. Jess was called and told what had happened, she wanted to come to speak to Kris now, but Steph managed to persuade her not to come today, he was not in the right state of mind for any conversations.

The next 2 days, Jess tried to speak to Kris on several occasions, either on the phone, or when in person, as she popped to the hotel a couple of times, however no matter what he refused to speak to her. She had no idea if he believed he was Katie's father, or whether he just did not want his daughter in his life.

Jess was running out of time, they were flying back to England in a day and a half's time so she realised, if Kris would not speak to her to let her explain, she would have to tell him somehow.

It was then that she decided she would have to write him a letter to explain what had gone on. However that was easier said than done, she sat on the balcony at her apartment, and attempted to write the letter, it was only on the 8th attempt that she decided she was satisfied with what she had written. Ironic really she thought, for someone who made her living from writing, but so much hung in the balance based on this letter, she needed it to be right.


	20. Chapter 20

The very next morning, Jess phoned Steph and asked her to come round, Steph did, telling the others she was popping to the bank, it was then that Jess asked Steph to give the letter to Kris, knowing that he would not take it from her directly. Steph agreed, and went straight back to the hotel, and right to where Kris was sitting by the pool, deep in thought.

"Hi"

"Hi, ive just been to see Jess"

Just by the very mention of her name, Kris's guard went up, "so you can see who you want" he snapped.

"She asked me to give you this"

Steph handed him a pale pink envelope, with Jess's writing on the front, which simply said 'Kris'.

He said nothing, and simply lay down on his stomach to sunbathe.

Zack had witnessed what had happened the between Kris and Steph, and new that deep down Kris was hurting over it, and still wanted to be with Jess.

Later in the afternoon, Zack went to Kris's room and knocked on the door. Kris was getting ready for the last night out on the holiday, as they were flying out the next evening. "You not opening it then"

"Opening what" Kris asked, oblivious to the fact that Zack heard what Steph had said to him.

"The letter, idiot"

"No why should I"

"You not in the slightest bit curious over what she has to say?"

"No I am not, drop the subject"

Kris then promptly walked up to the dressing table where he had threw the letter onto, and picked it up, and dumped it in the bin

"There that's where it belongs now"

Zack realised that Kris could be making a mistake and may regret throwing the letter out eventually, but did not dare to confront Kris, as when he was in this frame of mind there was no knocking sense into him. Instead when Kris went into the bathroom, Zack retrieved the letter from the bin, and placed it in between the pages of one of Kris's books, in the hope that he would find it one day when he had calmed down, hopefully that would be sooner rather than later.


	21. Chapter 21

The next day was soon here, Jess had not heard from Kris, she had no idea if he even read the letter, Steph had told her she had given it to her, but she did not know what he did with it after that. She new time was running out, but she was at a loss what to do, it was then she realised there was nothing more she could do, she had tried to see him, to tell him the truth in person, she had tried to phone him, and the letter was her last resort.

She was walking along the beach with Katie at 5 in the afternoon, it was then she realised that it was over, there was no hope, there plane was leaving at 5.30 so if he had wanted anything to do with either of them, he would have been there by now. She sat on the beach whilst Katie was playing near by in the sand. She couldn't stop the tears that were falling down her cheeks, she hated this she refused to allow herself to cry infront of her daughter, but this time, she did not have the strength within her to hold the tears in. Katie stopped playing, and toddled towards her mommy, "momma, luv yu" Katie said, which just made Jess's tears fall harder. Jess held her arms out to Katie, and mother and daughter sat holding each other.

Meanwhile, all of the gang, Zack, Zoë, Kris, Gilly, Rhys, Steph, Emma, Elliott and Isabelle boarded the plane home, all of them quietly reflecting on the events that had unfolded during their holiday. Not long later, the plane took off.

Meanwhile back at the beach, mother and daughter were still sitting together on the beach, "look plane momma, plane momma" Katie said pointing up in the air, at that very moment, Jess realised that it was over for good, that they were gone, and it was unlikely she would see any of them again, especially not Kris.

Jess silently said to herself "Bye Kris, I am so sorry, I really am" her tears started to fall yet again, not for herself this time, because she knew she loved him with all her heart, but she had bought it all on herself, but her tears were for her daughter and for the man she loved, as Katie and Kris would never know what it would be like to have a real father/daughter relationship, and that was all her own fault.


	22. Chapter 22

Three weeks had been and gone since they landed back in England and there lives had started to get back to normal, all the gang had gone there separate ways, back to there own homes, jobs and lives, but still keeping in contact with one another, and Jess tried to come to terms with the fact that her and Kris would never be, and that she had to carry on being a lone parent with her little angel.

Kris had never been one for tidying, so was only just getting round to sorting out things from his suitcase. As he was emptying his suitcase, he dropped his book on the floor, and in the corner of his eye, he saw something poking out the side of it. He walked over to take a closer look, it was then he realise what it was. He was puzzled as to how it got there as he threw it in the bin before he left Majorca. Suddenly it occurred to him "Zac, that little…" He walked over to his bin and threw the letter away, and headed out to work at the radio station.

Later that night he was in bed, but was unable to sleep, he walked up to the bin, and retrieved the letter, he sat on his bed with the un-open letter in front of him. He slowly opened the envelope and removed the letter, but as he was doing so, became angry with himself for being weak when it came to her. In a mood, he ripped the letter into pieces and threw them back in the bin, not noticing the photos that had fell on the floor. Kris subsequently decided to go back to bed.

It was not until the next evening, that he noticed the 3 photos being kept together by a paperclip. He picked them up, and started at the photos, the first one was just black and white, and could hardly make out what he was looking at, the second was of a new born baby, being held in someone's arms, but the person who was holding her could not be seen, and the second was of a beautiful little girl, who he realised was the little girl who was with Jess at the beach. It was then that it dawned on him that the 3 pictures were of the little girl Jess claimed was his.

He just sat on his bed staring at the photos in front of him; he was unable to take his eyes from the pictures. Part of him thought that it was fate that he had found them today, he had tried to forget what day today was but was unable to it was fathers day, a day that he was no longer able to celebrate since his parents had cut him off, but maybe, just maybe he could have a family afterall.

It was then, for the first time since Steph had given him the letter, had he decided he finally wanted to find out what Jess had to say. He went to his bin, got the pieces of paper out and sat for the next half an hour, putting together the jigsaw that the letter had become and celotaped it together.


	23. Chapter 23

Kris had finally taped the pages of the letter together, and got the courage to read what she had written.

"Kris, I never thought I would be writing this, so I have no idea where to start, I know most people say start from the beginning, but for us that has always been complicated, is that from when we first met, or the first time we kissed playing spin the bottle, the bathroom incident, valentines day, the stuff that happened with will or your family etc, the list goes on, so much so I don't even know when it was I fell in love with you, I guess since day one a part of me always has done, you were so different, so infuriating, so argumentative, and sure of yourself, but at the same time sweet, loving, funny and kind, and I know you are dying to read it, you are sexy as well."

Kris could not help but laugh at this, also remembering making love to her for the first time on Valentines day.

"We went through so much you and I Kris, and you know as well as I do our relationship was always interesting, it sometimes felt we were leaping from one crisis to another, but all through it my love for you never stopped, and if I am honest it still hasn't. I still love you with all of my heart, part of me wishes I didn't, as it would be so much easier, but you cant make yourself fall out of love with someone. I am not expecting you to still love me, or even like me, I cant blame you for hating me and not speaking to me after all I have done, and this letter is not to try and force you to forgive me either, I just need to set the record straight, and to try and undo some of the hurt and harm I caused by leaving how I did.

I wish so badly that I could turn back time, and take that back, but I cant, so here I am trying to explain to you what had happened. We had just gotten back together when I found out, I was so afraid Kris, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to tell you, but I did not want to rock the boat, it never seemed to be the right time, there was always someone else around or when it was just you and me, I did not want to spoil the moment. You remember that not long before I left, Rachel, from your course got pregnant, I tried to broach the subject then, but your response made me more afraid to tell you, that she was too young, that she was throwing away the degree etc, and I knew deep down you were right, and that just like her, if I kept the baby our life would be changed completely. It was then that I decided to go to the clinic, I had an abortion booked, and even went there on the day it was meant to be, but just as I was walking in I realised I couldn't do it, I wanted our baby, no matter what the consequences were. Over the next few days, I tried to work out how to tell you, then all hell broke loose between us, you thought I had been cheating because I had become slightly distant (when infact I was nervous and confused about telling you), then when you realised I was telling the truth, we got back on track again, that night was the best night ever, and it was then I decided to tell you once and for all about the baby.

I was lying in your arms, and we started talking about families, and children, and how families can screw each other up, and how you never wanted to put your child through what you had with your family. Looking back, I know it was a flippant remark you made, and I cant even remember exactly how it was said, but it was that moment I realised you did not want a baby with me, or in your life at that time, that you wanted the freedom to do what you wanted when you wanted and that you would resent such a tie. It was also at that point when I reflected on how our relationship had been that it was so on and off, and from one crisis to another, I realised that it was not the best kind of relationship to bring a child into.

That night I was lying in your arms, you were fast asleep, your hand was on my stomach, right above the child you were not even aware of existing. I was trying so hard to stop my tears, hoping you would not wake up, because I knew if you woke up with me crying there was no way I would be able to hide the pregnancy from you, and my biggest fear was of you rejecting us, I was scared and could not handle that possibility. Looking back, I wish you had woken up, because no matter what would have happened then, would not be as bad as this.

I remember that morning I woke up with you looking down at me, watching me sleep, and your smile when you realised I was awake broke my heart, you kissed me with so much passion, I never wanted to let you go, you made love to me and I wanted to remember every second of it, as I knew it would be the last time we would be like that. I could not handle saying goodbye or the confrontation, and I knew if I had to say goodbye I would not have the strength to do so, so when everyone had left the halls, I packed up everything and got in the taxi.

I went at first to mum and dad, and explained everything to them, I was nervous at first to tell them, but they were amazing. I needed to get away from everything for a while, so a friend of my parents said I could stop with them for a while over here, (by the way Kris, the guy you saw me with was their son, he is a friend and nothing more, I swear to you, there has been no one since you, all those years ago). After a while I started to settle in Majorca, I landed a job, and managed to afford the apartment, so I decided to stay here with Katie and make our life here.

It was hard at first just me and her being here, but we settled, she reminds me of you so much Kris, so much that it breaks my heart looking at her sometimes, but at the same time it is comforting, as part of you is with me, so I am never totally alone."

Kris continued to read Jess's letter, but it was harder for him to focus, as the tears streaming down his face were blurring his vision. Jess went on to tell him more about Katie, their life, and how she felt about him and also how to contact her, with her home, and work addresses and phone numbers, in the hope that one day he would change his mind and be a part of their lives. Jess's letter then finished with the following paragraph, which is the one that broke Kris heart in two.

"I have enclosed 3 pictures of our little girl, one is of her scan, one of me holding her when she was born, and one taken only a few weeks ago, look at the recent picture Kris, and you will see why she reminds me so much of you. By the way, Katie's full name is Katie Kristina Francis Harris, I hope you don't mind, so I wanted her to have something of yours, even if you aren't in her life, so I decided to change Kris to Kristina, and use Francis, I know you hate that name and that is why you use Kris, but it is part of you.

I understand if you want nothing to do with me, I don't blame you, and whilst my heart screams for us to be together, I understand that it is too late for us, that I have betrayed and hurt you too much for you to be with me, no matter how much I want that, but please if you ever change your mind about Katie, please please I beg you, contact me, I wont put pressure on you, but I would love out daughter to know what a wonderful father she has. If you don't even want to see me, I can arrange for friends of mine to act as go between if you want to visit who can bring her back and forth if seeing me is too much for you.

You are always in my heart and mind, I am so sorry Kris, I know that words cant take back what I did to you and Katie, by leaving how I did and by not giving you the choice. I know that this may sound like excuses, but it is how I felt and my reasons at the time, whether they were right or wrong.

All my love

Jess

xxx


	24. Chapter 24

It had been a few days since Kris had read the letter, the content of his letter going around and around his head, he knew in his heart what he wanted to do but he did not know if he could do it, if he could risk being hurt again. Kris had arranged to meet up with Zoë for the weekend, with her in London, he did not see her all that often, but she had a presentation in Manchester for work, so they had arranged for her to come and stay before she went back to London. Zoë could tell that he was distracted and could guess who it was over. Since she had gotten back, she became less angry at Jess as Steph had told her bits and pieces about what had gone on, but she could not forgive or forget what had happened.

The pair of them had just come back from fetching some chips and a dvd, and had decided to sit and watch the film, Kris however was distracted, Zoë realised this and switched the dvd off

"Whats wrong Kris?"

"Nothing, I am fine"

"No your not, something is up Kris, Spill it"

"Before we left Majorca, Jess gave Steph a letter for me, I chucked it in the bin before we came back, this is it," Kris pulled the letter out of his pocket, as he had a habit of carrying it around with him, afraid if he put it down somewhere he would loose it

"How is it here then, if you chucked it out there"

"It seems that Zack retrieved it from the bin, and hid it among my stuff, I only found it a few days ago."

Zoë looked at the pink envelope that Kris had passed to her.

"Read it Zo"

"Kris, I cant this is private between you and Jess,"

"I mean it read it, it may give you some of the answers you need to Zo, I know her leaving hurt you badly too"

Zoë felt strange at first reading what was obviously a private letter between two former lovers, but in reading it, she had a greater understanding on what Jess was going through and why she did it. Zoë too ended up crying whilst reading the letter, but in many ways the letter was cathartic also. Kris had left Zoë in the lounge of his flat to read the letter, but soon after she had finished, he came back into the lounge carrying the three pictures, and proudly showed her the pictures of his little girl.

"What are you going to do?"

"I haven't a clue Zo, I really don't"


	25. Chapter 25

It was late on a Friday afternoon; Jess had finished work, and was lying by the pool at her apartment, watching Katie play near by. It had been 7 weeks since Kris had left, and in her heart, she knew that the dream of them being a family would forever remain that way, a dream. Whilst that thought broke her heart, she realised for her and Katie's sake she would have to accept that, and move on. She had made a vow that tomorrow was a new day, and a new start, that she would put behind her any dreams and hopes she had that her and Kris would work out, and that from tomorrow, her birthday, she would concentrate on her and Katie's future, just the two of them. She had no idea what she would tell Katie as she grew up, but Jess decided she would deal with that when the time came.

"Katie, come on sweetie, time to go in," She called to her daughter as she picked up her belonging she had bought down with them, and hand in hand the two climbed the two flights of stairs to the apartment. Jess cooked the two of them some dinner, and then bathed her daughter. Katie loved to play in the bath, and from how wet Jess had gotten, you could be excused for thinking that Jess was the one that had the bath, not Katie. Jess loved these times, when it was just her and Katie playing carefree, and listening to Katie's giggles made Jess feel complete, a feeling that was often absent in Jess's life.

Once Jess put Katie into bed, she decided to open a bottle of wine, and decided that since she made the vow that from tomorrow she would put the past well and truly behind her, she allowed herself an indulgence, she opened a box of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and her old photo albums, before she put them away once and for all.

Jess had been flicking through the albums for over an hour, some of her growing up, with her family and friends, some of Katie when she was born, but one album caught her attention, the ones of her and her friends from HCC. The memories came flooding back to her, of RAG weeks, of the balls, of nights in watching the telly with the gang, to the silly spin the bottle games of truth or dare, her attention drawn to one photo in particular, of her and Kris, it had been from a ball they had gone to together, one of the first times they went as an "official" couple, she could not help but think how amazing they looked together. Kris had his arms around her protectively, and the look in her eyes was indescribable. Kris was wearing "normal" clothes a tailored "monkey suit" as he nicknamed it, not that it bothered Jess what he wore, as no matter what, she thought he was attractive, and Jess was in a bright red long ball dress, with her hair curling up around her face.

She had been staring at the photo for half an hour or so, Jess was lost in the memories of the past; she did not register the knocking at the door. Whoever it was had been knocking for at least 5 minutes before she had realised. Wiping away the single tear that had trickled down her face, she stood up and went to the door; curious as to who it would be at this time of the evening.

Jess was speechless when she opened the door, and was not sure if she was imagining what she was seeing. In front of her was the most handsome man she had ever seen, with a big cuddly teddy bear in one arm and a huge bunch of roses in the other.


	26. Chapter 26

They stood at the door staring at one another for a few moments, neither knowing what to say, Jess opened and closed her mouth a few times but nothing came out, so Kris could not resist commenting "turned into a fish whilst I was away" he joked with a grin on his face, suddenly the ice had melted between them, and both burst into laughter, at what neither could say.

Jess invited Kris into the apartment; he gave the roses to Jess, and then explained the teddy bear was for Katie. Jess was touched with his gesture; she kissed him on the cheek and went to the kitchen to put the roses into a vase. Kris took his chance whilst he was alone in her lounge to have a look around the room, his eye caught several photographs lined up along a shelf, one of Jess and Katie caught his eye, and looking at the photograph he could understand why Jess had said in the letter she had reminded her of him, even from a small photo, Kris could tell she had his smile and facial features.

"Scary isn't it" she asked as she walked back into the room, with a nervous, shy smile on her face,

"What do you mean?"

"How much she resembles you, when she was first born, I thought I was imagining it, but the older she has got, the more she reminds me of you, from her smile, to her eyes, to her cheeky grin, and her mischievousness"

Jess offered Kris a glass of wine, and he put the photo back on the shelf. "You do know, you don't just have to look at the photos you know, she is in the room down the hall, you can go and see her if you like."

"You sure Jess,"

"Of course, she is your daughter, just try not to wake her, she is a nightmare to get to sleep at night, she will have you reading to her for hours"

Kris smiled, as Jess took his hand and led her to Katie's bedroom. Jess opened the door quietly, and Kris got his first close up glimpse of his little girl. Kris walked towards Katie's bed and knelt down on the floor, he just stared at her, for what seemed like hours, but in reality was merely a few minutes. As the little girl moved in her sleep, her hair fell over her face, Kris could not resist gently moving it back behind her tiny ear. He leant over and kissed the sleeping child on her cheek, all the while taking care not to wake her.

All the while, Jess was watching this, leaning on the doorframe, with a tear trickling down her face, but unlike the tears she had shed earlier, this was a tear of happiness and joy, as the moment she had dreamed of had just come true. She had witnessed the two people she loved most in the world, finally be in the same room together. Jess's heart surged with a new hope, that maybe things would work out in the end.

Kris and Jess spent the next few hours talking, about Katie, about Jess leaving, and their lives now. The only subject that both were to frightened to raise, was their feelings for one another, as both were afraid of rocking the boat, or of being rejected by the other.

It was 2am before Kris eventually left the flat to return to the hotel he was staying that, just as Kris was leaving, the two of them hugged goodbye, not wanting to let go, but knowing that they had to.


	27. Chapter 27

The next morning for the first time ever, both Jess and Kris woke up with a renewed sense of hope, and peace. Jess was rushing around the apartment with her wet hair up in a towel, sorting her stuff out. She had slept through her alarm and Kris was due any time now. Kris walked up the steps to the apartment, he was excited and nervous and afraid all at once, as he was finally going to meet his little girl. He had watched her sleep for over 20 minutes the previous night, but this was different, he would finally meet her properly, and he was scared that she would not like him, or was afraid of him.

Kris knocked on the apartment door, to find a flustered Jess on the otherside, "Sorry, I missed the alarm, I am running a bit late,"

"No problem, and happy birthday Jess" Kris replied as he kissed her gently on the cheek.

"I am just going to wake Katie up, I'll be back in a minute"

Jess walked down the apartment hall and went into Katie's room

"Wakey Wakey time to get up"

The little girl moved slowly, clearly reluctant to get out of the warm cosy bed. "Come on Little Miss, time to hey up, we have a guest"

"Up mommy, up" The little girl said with her arms held in the air. Jess knew Katie wanted to be picked up, so she did.

"There is someone I want you to meet in the lounge Katie"

"Who mummy?"

"I very dear friend of mine, his name is Kris"

"Kwis?"

"No," Jess laughed, "Kris"

The little girl tried again, but did not quite get it right. The previous night, Jess and Kris had agreed that they would not tell Katie that he was her father immediately, that they would let her meet him as a person first and see how it went.

Jess carried the sleepy girl in her arms, towards the lounge, the sight took Kris' breath away, as the two of them were a picture, Jess no longer seemed to be the spoilt, self centred rich kid he had once known, but an adult, a loving caring mother who's child was the centre of her world. Katies head was leaning on her mums shoulder, Kris walked towards them

"Hello Katie"

"Hello," she replied shyly, then hid her face in her mum's neck,

"Oh dear, someone has gone shy have we" Jess teased her daughter "Wheres the little girl that usually cannot be quiet for two minutes" Jess paused in thought and could not help but add, "like someone else I know" Jess stated looking at Kris, with a grin on her face

"Ha Ha Jess, pot, kettle and black springs to mind" he grinned back

Whilst part of Kris was upset that his daughter was shy and nervous of him, his heart soared at the same time at the adorable little angel in front of him. Katie slowly turned towards him, and gently smiled, as she did so, Kris was taken aback, he knew she resembled him, that was clear when he saw her last night, but right at that moment, she looked so much like he did in photos of him as a child, they had the same eyes, smile and nose.

After a few minutes of chatting, (all the while Katie was in Jess's arms) Jess put Katie on the floor, with some toys and went to the kitchen to do the three of them some breakfast, Kris offered to help, but Jess declined, as she decided to leave the two of them alone to be acquainted with one another, and Jess knew if she stayed in the room, Katie would probably cling onto her.

Kris was not sure what to do at first, whether to talk to her, to ask her for a hug, or to see if he could play with her, he did not have long to worry about it though, as Katie soon made it clear what she wanted "Kwis down" "Kwis play" as she stated as she tried to pull him down to where she was sitting on the floor. Kris knelt down on the floor beside her and the two of them played games with her 'My Little Pony's' that were scattered over the floor. Kris had known for a while that he was a father, but it was only now that it seemed real to him as he was sitting beside her playing with her toys.

Jess purposely took her time to prepare the breakfast, hoping that Kris and Katie were becoming comfortable with each other in her absence. When she could not drag the task out any further, without ruining breakfast, she walked towards the lounge, and peeked through the doorway, making sure that neither was aware of her presence, and watched the two of them laughing and giggling at the imaginary games they were playing with the toys. A smile spread upon Jess's face, at seeing the sight in front of her, though at the same time, there was a tinge of guilt behind it, because she knew that they could have had years of this before had she not kept her secret from Kris.

"Come on you pair, breakfast is going to get cold," both jumped up and walked towards the dining area, and sat down as Jess dished the breakfast up.


	28. Chapter 28

It was now 8 in the evening, and Kris was back in his hotel room thinking and remembering the day he had just spent with Jess and Katie. The day had been magical, they had spent the morning playing on the beach and had a picnic, then they had taken Katie to Sealand, Kris could not help but adore the little girl as she watched with amazement the dolphins and seal shows, and the parrot show. Not to mention all the fish, the penguins, the crocodiles and alligators. On the drive back towards the apartment, the three of them stopped of at a nearby play ground, and Kris had the time of his life, sitting on the swings with his little girl on his lap, all the while he and Katie were begging Jess to push them faster. Kris looked at some of the photos he had taken with his mobile phone, and flicking through he found two that Jess must have taken without them realising, one it was him and Katie sitting together on the swing, his arms around his daughters waist, and the other one was of the two of them building castles in the sand, both had smiles on their faces, and Katie was leaning against Kris' side. After Kris had gone back with them to the apartment, he and Jess chatted for a little while, and then gave Jess her birthday present, a silver necklace with mating earrings and bracelet, Jess kissed him on the cheek and thanked Kris for the present.

Jess was currently having a birthday meal with friends, she had all but begged Kris to join her, but he insisted he did not want to intrude, and said he could do with a lie down at the hotel. He did agree to meet them at a local club later that evening though. Jess was having a lovely meal with her friends, but could not help feel a bit distracted, wishing Kris was here with her now. She had told her friends about Kris during the meal, and what an amazing day they had had, but all the while she was unsure what would happen once he went home, as he only had 2 more nights until he was flying back to the UK. Jess could tell from the way that he and Katie had bonded with one another earlier in the day, that no matter what, Kris would be in Katie's life one way or another, but her thoughts were bought back to the letter she had wrote him, more particularly the part that she would not push him into being with her, and that if he never wanted to see her, and only see Katie, she would not force him, however Jess could not help but fear that this may happen, she had finally got him in her life again, and was afraid to hear that it was only their daughter he wanted anything to do with. Jess's friends tried to reassure her that if that was the case, then why would Kris buy her the roses the previous night, the jewellery for her birthday, and why would he be coming to meet them at the club tonight. All of which Jess held on to with hope, but at the same time would not allow her to get her hopes up. Jess started to relax and wind down though having a few glasses of wine and a chat with her friends. Katie was staying the night with her parents friends, so she would not have to pick her up until the next day, so Jess was determined to have a good night, as it was not often she was able to have a proper night out.

It was 9.30pm by the time they had arrived at the club Jess and her friends got a table and were chatting, laughing and dancing the night away, Jess kept looking around to see if Kris had arrived yet, but it was 45 minutes later that he arrived. She saw him instantly, and there eyes locked with one another, Jess walked towards Kris as he was walking towards her, and gave each other a brief hug, as Jess took his hand and lead him towards her friends, Jess introduced them one by one, she had already told them about his cross dressing so they were not too shocked to see him wearing eyeliner and nail varnish. It was not long until the old good-humoured banter between Jess and Kris had re-started, and Jess' friends watched on with amazement, all seemed to like Kris though, as they realised that they were seeing a sparkle in Jess's eyes that they had never seen before.


	29. Chapter 29

By now it was the early hours of the morning, the whole group were on the dance floor, enjoying every minute of the night out. Jess's new shoes had started to hurt her, so she and Paula had decided to go and sit down, Kris was at the bar ordering them some drinks.

"God I am knackered, I am out of practice at this" Jess commented to Paula as she sat down

"You enjoying yourself though?"

Jess did not reply. Paula realised she was distracted

"Earth calling Jess, Earth calling Jess!" her friend laughed, whilst waiving her hand in front of her face, as Jess was starring towards the bar

"Sorry, what was that, I was miles away"

"I noticed, I asked if you were enjoying yourself"

"I am thanks, I am loving it"

"I take it that its mainly to do with him though"

"I have no idea what you are talking about"

"Very funny Jess, you've hardly been able to take your eyes off him all night" Jess blushed at her friends statement, knowing that it was true "I will admit Jess, he is not someone I would've imagined you with, he just seems so different"

"I know what you mean, but that's part of the attraction in a way, that he's not afraid to be himself, he is fascinating, intelligent, beautiful, funny, stubborn, argumentative, and he does not let me get away with anything, he does not pander to my every whim, he stands up to me, and sometimes that's what I need, don't get me wrong, he is the kindest, sweetest most loving person to me, but if he thinks I am acting like a brat, he is more than happy to point it out."

"You're still in love with him" It was more of a statement than a question, as both Paula and Jess new the answer, "Tell him, whilst you have the chance"

"He already knows how I feel, I told him everything in a letter, look I cant push it, for all I know he could still be angry at me, and not trust me and I don't blame him, this could all be because he wants to have a relationship with our child"

"But Jess if that…" Paula was unable to continue that sentence as Kris had reached the table with their drinks

"Ladies here you go,"

"Thanks Kris"

"Yeah thanks"

Kris sat down beside Jess and the three of them started chatting, slowly one by one Jess's other friends came to sit down and join the conversation.

It was then that Kris decided to stand up

"Right, time for a toast to the birthday girl, Happy birthday Jess, hope all your dreams come true"

"To Jess," her friends chorused.

Jess blushed, "Thankyou everyone, today has been amazing, thankyou all"

The music had started to slow down at the club, so it was then that Kris whispered in Jess's ear "Dance with me?"

"I'd love to" she stated as Kris took her hand and led her towards the dance floor.


	30. Chapter 30

Jess had been dancing in Kris's arms with her head resting on his shoulder for the last 20 minutes, neither had said a word, both caught up in their own private thoughts and emotions, about finally holding each other after all these years, and were both oblivious to everything but the feel of holding one another. Kris was the first to break the silence between them "you look amazing tonight"

"Thank you" she blushed as she looked up at him

"I take it you like the jewellery then" he asked realising Jess was wearing the gift he had given to her earlier

"I love them thank you, they are beautiful" They smiled at each other, Jess leant her head back on his shoulder.

"Kris,"

"Yes?"

"Thank you have no idea what today meant to me, it has been the best birthday ever" And she was telling the truth, sure as a child or teen she had the best birthday parties, and got all the presents that she wanted, none of it matched up to today, to be able to spend the day with the man she loved and the child they shared.

"I think I know Jess, today has been amazing for me too"

The two continued to dance, and neither said another word for 10 minutes as both yet again returned to their own thoughts.

That was until Kris pulled away from Jess slightly, and gently lifted her chin with his finger. They looked into one another's eyes.

"I love you" A smile spread across Jess' face and her eyes lit up, at hearing those words. "I love you too Kris"

Kris and Jess moved closer, the kiss was gentle, tentative, at first, but the more sure they were of each other, the more passionate the kiss became, neither of them caring that they were in the middle of a crowded dance floor. After a while the kiss broke apart, mainly for the need of oxygen than any desire to stop, they still had there arms around one another and looked at each other, their eyes giving away the love and passion held within them.

The young lovers continued dancing together, alternately kissing, talking, laughing or just holding each other, both happy to finally be together again.


	31. Chapter 31

They had all stayed at the club until the very end after Jess and her friends had said their farewells, Jess and Kris walked arm in arm, together, they decided to go towards beach and walk along the beach front, and had a nice chat, with the odd kiss thrown in here and there.

The two of them walked onto the sand and sat down, Jess sitting infront of Kris, between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her and they both sat watching the moon and stars sparkle reflecting in the tide. Kris gently kissed, sucked and nipped at Jess' neck, knowing that this was one of her most sensitive spots, she let out a soft moan at his attentiveness, amazed that after all this time he still knew exactly how to touch her to get a reaction. She gently moved her head to the side leaning against his back, to give him better access to her neck, and entwined her one hand in his hair, the other over his arms that were cuddling her.

The two of them stayed like this, relaxing in one another's presence for a long while, they were actually at the beach that long they watched the sunrise over the ocean. After the two had watched the sunrise in the sky, Kris cuddled Jess closer, and whispered in her ear, "Stay with me today, come back to the hotel, please?" she smiled, "of course I will" she replied as she turned her head to kiss him. After the kiss the two of them stood up, and walked hand in hand towards the hotel Kris was staying at, Jess had never been so grateful that her parents' friends had offered to have Katie until noon that day.

The two of them arrived at the hotel, and as soon as Kris closed the hotel room door, passion took over them, the two of them made love like never before, full of emotion, desire, happiness that had been missing from both of their lives since Jess had left.

Jess woke up to find Kris staring down at her with a smile on his face, "Morning beautiful" "Hello gorgeous" they both giggled. The couple kissed and held one another basking in the glow of being together again.

As Kris started to kiss down Jess's body, a sense of uncertainty and self-consciousness had over come her, "Whats wrong Jess"

"Nothing" "Please tell me"

"Its just…" she was too embarrassed to continue

"Just what?"

"I don't look the same as I did before Kris"

"I don't get it, what do you mean, you look the same beautiful Jessica to me, maybe a couple of years older, but hey so am I" he joked

In the heat of the passion earlier, Kris did not notice the scar on her tummy, or the feint stretch marks on her belly.

"Kris please, its not funny", she turned her head from him and looked towards the window, it was then he realised she was serious.

"Come on baby, what's wrong?" he asked when gently kissed her neck

"I had a few complications with my pregnancy, Katie had to be born through C Section,"

Kris realised then that it was the scar on her tummy she was self conscious of, he turned Jess towards him and looked into her eyes, kissed her briefly on the mouth and slowly removed the sheet covering her body, and kissed down along her body until he reached the scar, when he reached the scar on her tummy, he peppered gentle, loving kisses along the length of it, "Its beautiful, just like you are Jess" A tear of happiness escaped her eyes, and her and Kris made love again, but it was different to when they made love earlier, this time was more gentle, slow and loving.


	32. Chapter 32

Kris and Jessed dozed in each other's arms, but time had past quickly, and it was nearly time for Jess to pick Katie up. The two of them took a nice long shower at Kris hotel, then Kris took Jess to the apartment to get changed out of the clothes she wore last night, and went to pick Katie up.

"Hello mummy, hello Kwis" the little girl greeted them with a hug. The young family decided to go for a late Sunday lunch at a nearby restaurant, after dinner, Katie managed to get them to agree to take her to the park, it was then that he realised, that just like her mother, this little girl had him wrapped around her little finger. He could not help but chuckle at the thought, that god help him, he would have two spoilt girls in his life.

Katie was worn out by the end of it, and wanted to be carried home, and the little girl was fast asleep in Kris arms before they even made it to the apartment. Kris revelled in the feeling of having his little girl in his arms, and the woman of his dreams beside him. They arrived at the apartment and decided to take Katie straight to her room; they got the sleepy little girl in her nightie, and put her into bed. He gave Katie a kiss on her cheek, and watched Jess as she tucked him in, it was then that he realise he was not only in love with Jessica, but he already loved Katie, despite only knowing her for a couple of days.

Jess and Kris returned to the living room and decided to open a bottle of wine, they had intended to watch a film, however the film was pretty much ignored, as they were too interested in kissing, cuddling and caressing each other, Kris eventually picked Jess up in his arms and carried her into her bedroom, laying her on the bed the two made love again. Neither got much sleep that evening, as they spent most of it talking, kissing, cuddling and making love. Both were dreading the next day, as they new that by 3 the next afternoon, Kris would be at the airport boarding his flight home.

They had awoke early in the morning, Jess had been due to go to work, but Kris had managed to talk her into throwing a sickie so they could spend the last few hours as a family before he flew back home. Nothing spectacular happened that day, but to Kris and Jess it was the most perfect day in the world, the three had fun together in the apartment, they played in the swimming pool at the apartment complex, had lunch on the balcony and Kris and Katie decided it would be funny to jump all over Jess and tickle her senseless, until she begged for mercy. Jess soon got her own back on Katie, as her daughter was as ticklish as she was, but could not stop the grin on her face when she turned to Kris "You wait Kris, I will get my own back soon" "Is that a threat" he grinned back, "No that's a promise" she winked.

All too soon, it was time for Kris to go back home, as he was on air at the radio station later that evening. There was a very tearful farewell at the airport, though they knew they would see each other again soon; they could not bare the thought of being apart again.

Four hours after she left him at the airport, Jess received a text message that bought a smile to her face

"Missing you already, Love you both K XXX"


	33. Chapter 33

The next six months passed quickly, Kris joined Jess and Katie every other weekend in Majorca, they loved the time together, and although it was hard for them to be separated, they chatted nearly every day either by phone, text, email or private messaging on the net, and it made the long weekends together all the more special. It became a routine for Kris to catch a flight after his Friday night radio show straight to Majorca, and to stay until Monday afternoon, and he just made it home in time for his broadcast on the Monday evening. Kris and Jess would be the first to admit that it was not a usual family set up, but then again, they were not exactly a normal everyday couple.

Jess was sitting on the sofa in her apartment, flicking through a magazine, when suddenly her phone rang, noticing it was Kris, she was confused as she had only spoken to him a few hours earlier, and it was unusual for them to talk more than once a day (unless you count the odd saucy text message)

"Hey Baby, whats up?"

"Its… Its," Jess could tell he was crying, but couldn't get the words out

"Hey Kris, comeon, you can tell me"

"Its Nana Collins, Aunt Helen called, she is hospital, she is really ill, they don't think she is going to pull through" Kris sobbed, Nana Collins was his mothers mom, she and Kris' great Aunt Helen, were the only members of Kris's family who had not cut him off and disowned him, they were his only relatives that were not ashamed or embarrassed by him.

Jess's heart went out to Kris, as he knew what she meant to him. Not long after Jess and Kris got back together, he bought Nana Collins and Great Aunt Helen out to Spain for a holiday to meet Jess and Katie, They were dear old ladies who clearly doted on Kris. Helen had no children or grandchildren of her own, so she too treated Kris like a grandson. Jess was so glad that Helen had felt that way about Kris, as she knew without a doubt, that none of Kris other family would contact Kris with the news of his grandmothers illness.

"Jess, I need you both, please…" Kris did not have to finish the sentence, she knew that he wanted her and Katie with him, "I'll arrange the next flight out of Majorca, Do you want me to meet you in Ireland or in Manchester?" "Ireland please, if that's OK, Aunt Helen has said we can stay with her at the cottage, if that's alright" Kris was trying hard not to breakdown on the phone

"Course it is silly, we will be there as soon as I can be, have you your plane booked to Belfast?"

"Yes, I should be there by 5 tonight, let me know what time your plane gets in, and I will meet you"

"You don't have to Kris, go to the hospital, I will meet you there"

Kris gave the hospital details to Jess and headed to Manchester airport to get the plane, fearful of what was going to happen, he was upset at the thought that his grandmother may not even be alive by the time he gets to the hospital, and was nervous about seeing his family after all these years, he just hoped they could show Nana Collins some respect on her death bed not to start any arguments.


	34. Chapter 34

As soon as Kris arrived in Belfast, he got a taxi to the hospital, he was greeted with a warm and loving hug from his great aunt, both were tearful, but Kris was relieved to find out he was not too late to say goodbye to his beloved grandmother. Kris and Helen walked towards her car in the hospital car park to put his bags he had bought with him in the boot. During the entire flight, Kris's head was filled with emotion, and questions, he was apprehensive about seeing his parents and brother and sister again, he was dreading saying goodbye to his Nan, and had no idea how his family would react when they saw Jess and Katie, he just hoped that they would get here soon, as he had never needed them more in his life than he did now.

When they walked back into the hospital Helen took him towards his grandmothers room, he took a deep breath before opening the door to her room, he had been trying to prepare himself on the plane, but he could not believe the sight of his Nan lying in the hospital bed, the woman who her despite age always had seemed to be full of life and energy, was now very pale, and frail looking, seeing her like this broke Kris heart. She was sleeping when he got there, but her breathing was not calm, her breath was laboured.

His father and brother refused to acknowledge his presence in the room, and his mother and sister looked as if they wanted to say or do something but he did not know what. Helen took a seat beside Kris, at his Nan's bedside, and took his hand; well aware of the shock Kris was feeling at seeing her sister like this. They all sat like this in silence for hours, when Helen decided to get them all some drinks, the moment Helen left the room, Kris had never felt so alone in all his life, ironic considering everyone in the room was his family, yet they did not feel that way, and even over his Nan's death bed, he could feel the looks of animosity coming from his father and brother, and the shame and embarrassment from his mother and sister. Kris did not dare to look in their direction; he could not handle seeing the looks in their eyes he knew was there.

Nana Collins started to stir from her sleep, she was confused at first them started to come to, "Kris?" she asked

"I'm here Nana," he said, his voice breaking with emotion

Her eyes lit up for the first time since she had been in hospital, everyone else noticed this too, which caused more resentment and jealousy towards Kris, that he was getting the attention.

"Come closer, Kris, its hard to talk now, but I need to say something to you"

"Sure Nana, what is it"

"I need to remind you, you're not alone, no matter what when I am gone …"

"Nana, please don't" Kris cried, not wanting her to voice the fact that she was dying

"Please Kris, I need to say this, you have them Kris, take care of them, they are your true family now, don't push them away in your grief"

Kris knew who his grandmother was referring to, but everyone else in the room was looking at each other with confusion in their eyes.

"I wont nana, they are coming tonight, as soon as they manage to get a flight over"

"That's good, you deserve to be happy, the three of you" she smiled slightly.

"Thankyou Nana" and Kris placed a gentle kiss on his Nans cheek.


	35. Chapter 35

The next hour or so was spent in silence in the hospital room, questions were running around Kris's parents and siblings head about the conversation between Kris and his Nan, but none of them were willing to start a civil conversation with him, so decided to leave their questions unanswered, and continue to ignore him. That was until Kris looked at his watch for the third time in 20 minutes

"Got somewhere better to be?" Malachy snapped accusingly

"No, I haven't besides its none of your bloody business" Kris snapped back

"They will be here soon," his Aunt whispered to him reassuringly.

"Shame, as you don't belong here" Kris' dad joined in, "your not family as far as we are concerned"

"THAT'S IT OUT SIDE NOW, ALL OF YOU!" Kris great aunt demanded, they all looked at her in shock, but could tell by the look in her eyes she meant every word, so grudgingly they all filed out of the hospital in line.

"I will not have this, you should be ashamed of yourselves, my sister is dying in there, and all you can think about is this pathetic feud. Margaret, John, you have an amazing, loving, kind son, and if you cant accept him for who he is, you are the ones missing out, not him, as for you Malachy and Laura, he is your brother, I don't get it, you all used to be so close growing up, what happened??"

"He is not my brother, I don't know who he is" Malachy shouted

The family started shouting and arguing amongst themselves in the hospital corridor, all except Kris, who was silently watching this with tears streaming down his face, he decided to walk out towards the hospital entrance to get some fresh air, and get away from them.


	36. Chapter 36

Kris had been sitting on the bench, with his head in his hands for 15 minutes when a taxi pulled up. The young woman and child exited the taxi and got the bags from the boot, and almost walked past the lone figure on the bench, it took a minute for him to register that it was Jess and Katie, but when he did his heart surged with relief.

"Jess, over here"

She turned towards him, and could see his tear stained faced, and assumed the worse

"I am sorry Kris, I am too late aren't I," she asked whilst hugging Kris as hard as it was possible, with a sleeping child also in her arms.

"No, its not that, its…" Kris started crying again and through his tears, he told Jess what had been happening with his family, during this time the three of them returned to the bench he was previously occupying, Jess had placed Katie on Kris' lap, and held them tight to her in her arms, all the while stroking Kris' back to try and calm him. They then walked towards his great aunts' car, as he still had her keys from earlier and put Katie's and Jess's bags along side his in the boot. The three of them walked towards the hospital, Kris carrying Katie with one arm, and the other around Jess, who was leaning her head on his shoulder. He realised in that very instant, that his Nuns words were true, he was not alone, he had a family of his own, and no matter what he would make it through for their sake.

Just before they walked into the room his grandmother was in, Jess held Kris back, and turned him to look directly into her eyes, "Just remember I am here, your not on your own in this" Kris gave Jess a small smile, and they two gently embraced in a kiss before they went in, both taking a deep breath in.

The three of them entered the room, at first none of Kris family looked in Kris direction, so they were not aware of Jess and Katie's presence in the room, the only person who looked towards them was his Great Aunt Helen, who gave them both a gentle smile, and got out of her seat, Helen hugged Jess, and as she did so, whispered in her ear "I am so glad you are here, he really needs you here, even if he doesn't admit it" as the hug ended, Jess nodded at Helen in recognition to what she had said, whilst this had been going on Kris has sat down in his previous position, but this time Katie was in his arms sitting on his lap.

"Do you want a drink Jess?" Helen asked, at this question Kris's parents and siblings heads all shot up, suddenly becoming aware of the stranger in the room, "yes please Helen, do you want me to help?" "Yes please, Kris do you want another coffee?" "Please" Helen took a drinks order for the rest of Kris' family, as she was doing so, Jess knelt down by Kris chair and laid her hand on his knee "You going to be alright here? I won't be long" Kris looked directly into her eyes and nodded his head, "Don't worry, they will behave," she stated looking directly at her niece, nephew in law and great niece and nephew, what Kris did not know, was that after he had gone outside for some air, Helen had threatened each and every member of the family, that if any of them dared start another argument over her sisters death bed, she would have the hospital ban them and would disown them all herself, and that they should be ashamed that they were not allowing a dying woman peace in her last hours. They had decided to do what Helen told them, knowing that she was not a person to be messed with, knowing that it was not a threat, but a promise.

Jess gently rose from her crouching position, kissed Kris on the forehead and walked out of the room with Helen.


	37. Chapter 37

Despite Helens reassurances, Jess could not help feeling concerned about Kris being left in the room with them, she could not get over the heart broken look in his eyes when he had been sitting on the bench, she also could not help but remember back to all those years ago, when they were still at Hollyoaks, when the confrontation between Kris and his parents occurred, not long after Malachy had turned up in the village. To this day she could kick herself for making that mistake, sleeping with Kris' brother to get back at Kris for him and Nathan, it made her feel cheap and guilty, and could not help but feel that way again when she was in the hospital room. She did not think he had recognised her before, and she was grateful for that, it had been years and years ago, but she knew it would be a matter of time before he realised she was the same Jess as the one all those years ago. She also could not help but be reminded the pain that she herself had inflicted on Kris by leaving how she did, and although things between her and Kris were better than she could have imagined, and was a dream come true, she still felt immense guilt, and she feared that would always remain, despite Kris' reassurances that he had forgiven her and understood why she had did what she did.

Meanwhile back in Nana Collins room, questioning glances were exchanged between the family members, trying to work out who the little girl was that Kris was holding so tenderly in his arms. However Kris was oblivious to this, his attention was solely aimed at his Nan and daughter, alternately watching one and then the other sleeping, all the while gently running his fingers through the little girls hair.

Katie started to stir in her dad arms, bringing him out of his thoughts, he held her closer to him, "Hello sleepy head" The little girl looked up to him and beamed her smile, that was so identical to the one that usually occupied his face. She slowly looked around the room.

"Daddy?" the little girl questioned looking at Kris confused, as when she went to sleep she was in her own bed in Majorca, and now she was waking in her dads arms in a strange room with people she had no idea who they were

"Its ok angel," he said reassuring her.

"Where's mummy?"

"Mummy's here" Jess replied as just at that moment, her and Helen walked in the door with everyone's drinks.

Kris and Jess could not help but smile to themselves when they saw the shocked look on his parents and siblings faces, "Hello Katie, haven't you grown" Helen said to the little girl, "Hi" she said shyly, then she hid her face into her daddy's neck "You remember Aunt Helen don't you, Katie? She visited with Nana Collins a while back" Kris asked, Katie slowly looked back towards the old lady and slowly recognised her, and gave her a smile and a wave. Just as she did this, Jess passed Kris his coffee, as Helen gave the rest of the drinks out, "Katie, you thirsty, do you want some juice", Kris asked

"Yes please daddy" she said whilst leaning over towards where Jess had placed the juice.

"Careful Katie, daddy's got a hot drink, you don't want to burn yourself on it"

"OK mommy"

Helen sat back in her seat, to the one side of Kris, and Jess had sat in a chair to Kris other side, when she did he put his arm around Jess, and she leant towards him and their child, laying her head on his shoulder, and he leant his head on top of hers and kissed her hair, Helen looked on at the young family with a smile, and the rest of those in the room, looked on with a shocked amazement.

They sat like that for a good 20 minutes or more, the whole room was quiet, apart from the odd question from Katie, then Nana Collins started to wake, this time you could tell she was getting weaker, her breathing was more laboured, each breath became more difficult and painful for her. She turned her head whilst lying in her bed to see all the occupants in the room, eventually she was facing Kris, Jess and Katie,

"You made it here" she struggled to say, "I am glad you two made it, I've been waiting" Jess was honoured by the statement, "Take care of him for me Jess, he is not as strong as he likes to make out,"

"I will, I promise" Jess replied tearfully.

"Be happy the three of you, you deserve it, take care of each other" she said quietly, "We will Nana, I promise" stated Kris, crying as he knew it was close to the end "I love you" "I love you too" And with that, she peacefully passed over.

It was then that everyone in the room realised that she had fought to stay alive those last few hours, so she could make sure Kris was not alone, and so she could see her great grandchild for the very last time.


	38. Chapter 38

They all sat in the room crying quietly. Jess had moved from her seat beside Kris and was kneeling beside him, embracing him and their child completely, as Kris sobbed into her shoulder. "I'm here sweetie, I'm here," she said as she was soothing Kris. The hospital staff came in and out of the room, declaring her time of death, checking the readings from the machines etc, but Kris was oblivious to everything but his grief and his two angels.

Shortly afterwards, they all left the hospital, Kris, Jess and Katie walked with Helen towards her car, to go to her cottage in a village on the outskirts of Belfast. The car ride was silent, all of them locked in their own thoughts and feelings.

Eventually they arrived at the cottage, Jess could not help but admire the pretty little cottage, they had been at the hospital all night, and they arrived at the cottage at sunrise, none of them wanted to do anything though, all had been exhausted from the emotions of the night. Helen showed Jess and Katie around the cottage whilst Kris made them all a cup of tea, he new the cottage like the back of his hand, as this was where he would escape to as a child or teenager when he had fallen out with his parents, so he would either come here or to his Nans house around the corner in the same village. They were his escape, and both accepted him for who he was and what he was, and the only people before he had met Jess that did. He knew he would miss his Nan terribly, however he remembered what she had said, and he knew she was right, he was never alone, he had Jess, Katie and Aunt Helen, and he liked to think that some how Nana Collins was still with him too, watching down on them.

After they had drank the tea, they all decided to have a lie down as they had no sleep during the night.

Kris and Jess were lying in each other's arms on the top of the bed, all the while Jess was stroking Kris hair, "How are you feeling Kris?" she asked full of concern

"Honestly? I don't know, I just wish she was here still"

"I know sweetie, I know"

Jess and Kris lay talking for an hour or so, Kris telling Jess about stories of him and his Nan as he was growing up, of the laughter, the games, the arguments, the teasing. The memories soon got too much for Kris so, as he ended up breaking down in tears, sobbing into Jess' neck, whilst she held him, comforting him, and knowing she could not give him the one thing he wanted, his Nan back on this earth.


	39. Chapter 39

The following week as strained and emotional for everyone, Kris, Jess and Katie had decided to stay on at his great aunts until after the funeral. Jess had hoped that for Kris's sake his parents and siblings would at least be civil and kind towards Kris given everything that happened, but unfortunately that was not to be. It culminated in a huge row between them all that ended up with Kris running out of the cottage in tears. The day had started calmly enough, considering what had been going on for the last few years, everyone was at Helens cottage and they were finalising the funeral arrangements, everyone was at least being civil whilst the priest was with them, but when he had left all hell had broken loose. Kris father and Malachy were very unhappy that Kris was also to do a reading at the funeral, and no amount of talking to them changed their view, to them Kris bought shame and embarrassment because of who he is. As a result a huge row erupted between them all, and Kris realised once and for all that his family would never accept him, deep down he had hoped that the knowledge that he had a loving girlfriend and he was a father would help them overcome their prejudice and shame, and accept him for who he was, after all, Jess had, surely they were meant to as well, what happened to unconditional love, Kris could not help but wonder.

Kris stormed out of the cottage, not wanting his daughter to continue to witness the row between him and his parents, sure she had seen Kris and Jess bicker and banter, but had not seen the hatred and the anger in the room before, and that was something he never wanted her to witness.

Jess could no longer hold in her anger towards them, they were meant to be Kris family, but they were destroying him inside, she was fed up with standing by and saying nothing to them, and it was killing her to see Kris how he was when it was just them. Alone with Jess Kris was able to open up to her, and he let her see all the emotion and hurt he had felt at his families rejection of him, many a night Jess just held Kris, comforting him, whispering to him he was not alone. Most of the time this past week Jess kept her mouth shut, not wanting to make a difficult situation worse, but she was no longer able to do so. Jess saw Kris mum playing with Katie, and whilst most mothers would enjoy watching their child play with their grandparent, this infuriated Jess even more.

"Katie, can you play upstairs please, we have grown up things to talk about," Jess said

"She can stay here, we are having fun aren't we Katie" Kris mum interrupted.

"Katie sweetie do as you are told please, I will be up in a little while"

"OK mummy" Katie then kissed her mothers cheek and went upstairs

"What did you do that for, I am her grand mother, I have a right to know her, you have kept her from us for years!!" Kris mum shouted

"Rights, who the bloody hell do you think you are to talk about rights! Kris has a right to a family that can love him and accept him for who he is not be treated like you lot have treated him!!" Jess screamed at her

"That has nothing to do with this, this is about Katie not him"

"Like hell it is, If you cant accept Kris for who he is, you cannot accept her, she is half Kris, and I am not having my child around people who cant accept her father, you hate him, therefore you hate half of her!"

"I don't hate Kris, I hate what he does, its freaky and weird" his mum replied

"No, you hate him, you hate what Kris is, and that is part of him, yes he is different, but that's what makes him unique, he is fascinating, loving, kind, funny, intelligent, but him being bi, and the cross dressing is part of him, and I fell in love with him for who he is and not despite what he is. I accepted him for what he is unconditionally, and you his so called family should have done the same, but no you were too embarrassed, ashamed and prejudiced to get to know the real Kris, the Kris that I and Katie new, the Kris that Helen and Nana Collins new, the Kris that all his friends know and love, you should all be ashamed out yourselves."


	40. Chapter 40

Jess was sitting in the lounge, waiting for Kris to return, his family had left straight after they row with Jess, Helen had essentially kicked them out of the house, stating she was ashamed to call them family. Jess had wanted to find Kris, but Helen suggested otherwise, stating that Kris may need some time alone for a while, to think, and assured Jess that Kris knew that she was there for him and loved him. Jess agreed to leave Kris for a while, but if he was not back in half an hour she would go looking for him. Deep down she knew that Kris would not spiral out of control like he had done when she was out of his life, if nothing else for Katie's sake, but it did not stop her being concerned for the man she loved. Little did she know that Kris was closer to her than she realised.

He had stormed out of the cottage and walked into the village, but his mind started to clear and realised by him running away from the row and his family, they had won, so he headed back and arrived in time to hear Jess' argument with his mum, Kris heart surged with happiness, love, and pride at her words, but he was not ready to speak to anyone yet, so he sat on a bench at the bottom of Helens garden, sitting and thinking, realising how lucky he was to have Jess in his life. He knew before that day that she loved him deeply, but part of him was never sure if she truly accepted the bi-sexual/cross dressing side of him, or whether she tolerated it because she loved him, he now knew for certain in his heart that she loved him despite his differences.

After a while, once his family had left, he walked back into the lounge and saw Jess looking out the front window, obviously trying to see if Kris was coming down the road. Kris decided to have some fun, so he silently sneaked up behind Jess, and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. Jess startled at first, as she had not realised that Kris had walked into the cottage, but soon relaxed as Kris gently kissed up and down her neck. He gently turned Jess around towards him, and gently kissed her on the mouth, what started as a soft gentle kiss became a long, loving, passionate one. They pulled apart not out of any desire to end the kiss but purely due to the need for air.

"Thank you"

"What for" Jess asked puzzled

"I heard what you said before"

"Heard what" Jess was still confused, it then dawned on her "You heard the row with your mum?"

Kris nodded his head in reply

"How, you went out, I saw you"

"I came back, and sat in the garden"

"I am sorry Kris,"

"What have you got to be sorry for"

"She's your mum, I had no right to say that, its non of my business, and I may have made it worse"

"Jess you cant have made it worse than the last few years have been with them, and besides it is your right, you're my family, and it affects you too."

Jess smiled at Kris, glad he was not angry with her for getting involved.

"Now where were we" Kris stated with a sly smile on his face, he then leaned in and kissed Jess again, both forgetting everything else in the world except for the feel of being in one another's arms, kissing with a deep passion.

That was until they got interrupted

"Ooops don't mind me" Helen said as she walked into the lounge, with a smile on her face. She was happy to see that Kris was with someone who accepted him whole-heartedly, and not afraid to show it.

The young couple pulled apart, both turned pink, and blushing as they had been caught by the dear old lady in a passionate embrace.

"Don't worry dears, nothing a lady of my age has not seen before" she laughed, Kris and Jess could not help but feel like teenagers again, caught making out by their parents.


	41. Chapter 41

The funeral passed without incident thankfully, as despite the conflict, they all kept a dignified truce even if it was for that day only. Kris was thankful the rest of his family did not create a scene, he felt Malachy flinch when he had to have his hand on his shoulder whilst they were carrying the coffin into the church on their shoulders along with the other pallbearers, but Kris was just grateful that he did not push him away. The hardest part for Kris was the reading, but he was determined to get through it, in her memory, he spoke for a few minutes telling the mourners stories of his Nan as he was growing up, and then read a poem to them all.

"Do not.." Kris started but faulted, emotions causing his voice to crack, he took a deep breath and continued on with the poem

"Do not stand at my grave and weep  
I am not there; I do not sleep.  
I am a thousand winds that blow,  
I am the diamond glints on snow,  
I am the sun on ripened grain,  
I am the gentle autumn rain.  
When you awaken in the morning's hush  
I am the swift uplifting rush  
Of quiet birds in circled flight.  
I am the soft stars that shine at night.  
Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
I am not there; I did not die."

There was not a dry eye in the church by the time Kris finished the reading, and the rest of the service was a blur.


	42. Chapter 42

Jess and Kris were sitting on a quiet beach just enjoying the peace and quiet of each other's company, the two of them had gone to the wake for a little while, but the tension between Kris and his parents had started to resurface, the truce at the funeral service had seemingly evaporated. Jess could see that Kris was getting upset and stressed over the situation, so had suggested the two of them go for a walk. Katie was still with a child minder, as they did not feel it was appropriate for the three year old to come to a funeral and wake, and the child minder was not expecting them to collect Katie for at least a few hours.

Ironically for such an emotionally draining and sad day, it the weather was nice and sunny, if it was not for the breeze in the air, it would have been fairly warm. Kris was lying on his back, with his head in Jess's lap, she was absentmindedly running her fingers through Kris hair, lost in thought, there was something that Jess needed to tell Kris, but she was not sure if this was the best time to tell him, given him loosing his Nan and the problems with his family.

The two had been sitting in silence both lost in their own thoughts for over half an hour, Kris was the first to break the silence though.

"Jess, I've been thinking"

"Careful, that could be dangerous" Jess said with a smirk

"Ha Ha funny Jess" he too had a smirk on his face, suddenly a sly look came on his face, and Kris sat up,

"What you up to Kris?" when all his reply was a bigger grin Jess then stated "Oh no you don't, Mr Fisher, I know that look"

Jess could not get out of Kris's reach quick enough, when he launched an attack on her, tickling her until she begged for him to stop, which was a while as she was often stubborn and tried to get away from Kris, even though she knew he always caught her again if she did.

The two lay side-by-side facing each other, both getting their breaths back from the tickle fight, giggling at the same time.

"Kris what were you going to say before?"

"Oh that yeah, um" Kris suddenly became hesitant and shy, not at all like Kris, and Jess realised this

"Hey come on, what is it?"

"I have been thinking, really, since what Nana said just before she died, and then what you said to my family the other day, and I…" Kris hesitated again

"You what Kris?"

"Well its made me realise how much I want the three of us to be a family permanently, I don't want to carry on with how we have been for the past 6 months, spending alternate weekends, and the odd week here and there together, I want to wake up with you every morning, I want to be able to kiss Katie good night all the time, I want the three of us to live together Jess"

Jess was silent for a minute, and Kris was starting to get worried, until he saw the hugest smile from Jess that he had ever seen, and then kissed him passionately.

The two of them continued talking and kissing on the beach for a while longer, by now they were sitting cuddling each other, Jess was sitting between Kris legs, with her back against his chest. Kris arms were wrapped around Jess's waist.

"Kris, I don't know if this is the best time to tell you but I don't want to hide it from you any longer, I found out the day I flew here but with everything that has gone on since I arrived, it never seemed the right time to talk to you about it"

"What is it Jess" Kris was starting to get worried, he could tell Jess was nervous and usually she could tell him anything

"Its…I'm…Well" She tried to find the words, but couldn't, so instead she decided to show him, as best as she could any way. Jess took Kris hands from around her waist, and slid them upwards underneath her top, she laid his hands over her tummy, and she held hers on top of them.

"Jess are you??" he questioned

She nodded her head, apprehensive of how he would take the news, she needn't have worried though, as Kris was thrilled about the news.

In a way Kris and Jess felt guilty that they were so happy, and they had just buried his Nan, but he could not help remember the words of the poem he had read at the funeral, and realised that his Nan would want his for them, she would want them to be happy and move on with their lives as a family.

In their happiness, Kris and Jess started to get lost in the moment, and were passionately making out on the beach, when Kris's hands started to wonder where they shouldn't in the middle of a public beach Jess gently pulled away.

"Behave Mister" she teasingly warned

"Or what" he replied, equally teasing, he then continued kissing her lips, then her chin, then her throat, slowly moving down her body

"I mean it Kris, we are on a beach, someone could see us at any time"

"Funny, I recall that did not stop you that once before" he stated with a smirk on his face

"Kris" Jess warned, again, this time she was blushing

"Ooohh someone getting embarrassed, you weren't so shy that night Jessie…Ouch that hurt" Jess had playfully hit his arm, though her idea of playful could hurt

"Good, it was meant to, besides that was different firstly we had a few too many to drink, as you well know, secondly, it was the middle of the night, not broad daylight and thirdly, we would freeze to death if we did that here! It was the middle of a Spanish heat wave not a cool spring day"

"Wimp" was Kris' cheeky reply

"Watch it you, or you will end up sleeping in Katie's room tonight, and she can sleep in our bed with me"

Kris knew Jess was only teasing at this stage, but knew if he pushed it to far she would follow the threat through, so instead of any smart alec comebacks, he decided to stay quiet and gently kiss her.

The young couple continued kissing softly on the beach for a while longer, until they decided to go back to the cottage knowing they had a while yet until they had to collect Katie, or until Helen would be back from the wake, the two walked together, hand in hand, towards the cottage, and when they got safely indoors the passion once again took over.


	43. Chapter 43

The young couple had fallen asleep after the loving, passionate encounter; Jess was the first to wake up. She was careful not to wake Kris, just content to watch him sleep, she could not help but remember the time she was like this all those years ago, lying in Kris's arms, his hand on her belly, she remembered the fear, the upset and confusion she felt during the last pregnancy, and was thankful that this time was different, that Kris knew, and this baby would be raised in a loving family, she still felt regret over how much Kris missed of Katie's early years, missing Katie's first smile, first tooth, first words, first steps, not to mention the scans when she was pregnant, the anti natal classes, the waking up in a night for feeds, but this time it will be different she vowed. Kris, her, Katie and the baby in her tummy would be a real family.

She was nervous before about the future and telling Kris she was pregnant again, however when Kris had told her he wanted to be with her and Katie, a huge relief washed over her. Sure they had to work out how they were going to do it, would Kris move to Majorca, would she move back to England, or would they start over somewhere new, however, Jess could care less where they were just as long as they were together.

Jess was deep in thought, and did not notice Kris wake up, he watched her for a couple of seconds, and realised she was not aware he was awake, so he could not help but place gentle loving kisses along her neck, face, and shoulders, startling her out of her thoughts. "Don't stop, that feels amazing" stated Jess, Kris, never one to disappoint, continued on with his loving caresses, and the two proceeded to make love again. That was one thing that Jess could not get over, she was celibate for years, until Kris came back in her life, but since he was back, she could not get enough of him, no matter what was happening in their life, or the time of day, neither was able to resist the other when it came to being intimate, not that either were complaining.


	44. Chapter 44

"Wakey wakey sleepy head" Kris said with a grin, he had been awake for a little while, watching Jess sleep peacefully. The events of the day had got to her and she was exhausted, not just by the intimacy between her and Kris, but the emotional upheaval from the funeral, and her previous nerves about telling Kris about the baby.

Jess's response to Kris's attempts to wake her was to pull the pillow and covers over her head, in an attempt to block out Kris's attempts to wake her, unfortunately for Jess they did have to get up as they were already late picking Katie up and his aunt would also return shortly.

Kris on several occasions tried to pull the covers from her, but the more he did the tighter she wrapped them around her "Just a bit longer, please?" she begged. " 'Fraid not princess, we've gotta get Katie" "Kris please" Jess whined, "Shift it Jess, stop acting like a brat" "shut it tranny" she replied back, with a smirk on her face, and snuggled further into the bed. Kris realised it was no good, and there was only one way he would be able to liven her up, but knew he would be risking his life by doing it, as she would kill him. He attempted to wake her up a bit longer, but realised it was not going to work, so he decided to put the plan in action.

Kris krept back into the bed, pretending he had given up on getting her out of bed and had decided to join her, Kris lay behind her, with her back against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her and slowly kissed up and down her neck, Kris knew that this was Jess's weak spot, she soon moved her neck giving his lips more access to her neck and throat, his hands wondered over her body, caressing every inch of her, making her moan, Jess was now wide awake, and enjoying Kris's attentiveness, and affection.

Kris smirked at her moans, knowing that his plan had worked, she was wide awake, now for him to do what he planed, he was aware they did not have time to finish what he started as they only had a short while till they had to leave to pick Katie up, and when Jess realised what he had been up to, she would not be pleased.

He kissed and caressed her body, hands wondering all over her for a few more minutes, as lets face it Kris enjoyed making her moan as much as she enjoyed it. Suddenly he stopped. "Don't stop,"

"Sorry, no time, shift your but princess," he said with a grin, and then pinched her bum, he then ran naked out of the bedroom, and jumped into the shower

"Kris get back here now" Jess called after him

"Sorry princess, you should have got up when I asked you to, we are late picking Katie up as it is" he shouted through the door

"You pig, you did this on purpose" Jess had got up by this time, and was pounding on the bathroom floor

"Me would I do that??" (Kris shouted back, through the bathroom door)

"Yes, you would Kris"

"Well you should have got your lazy ass out of bed then

"Just you wait Kris, revenge is mine" she shrieked at him through the bathroom door)

"Oh is that a threat"

"No it's a bloody promise Kris"

When Kris had eventually got out of the shower, and walked back to the bed room, Jess gave him the evilest of looks, and then stormed straight passed him into the bathroom so she could get ready, it was at this stage that Kris realised maybe it was not such a good idea to tease Jess and get her physically worked up, and to then not follow through.

Jess could be a nightmare at the best of times, without adding in pregnancy hormones into the mix. Oh well, he thought, I can take what she dishes, besides the look on her face was priceless he thought to himself with a smirk.


	45. Chapter 45

i am sorry to say this but with the horrible news that kress will be no more and gerrard will not be returning to the show, i dont have the heart to continue writing this at the moment, maybe one day i will continue the story, but at the moment any ideas of story line have had a huge dampener put on it,

thankyou to all of those who have supported the story and the writing, and maybe 1 day i will contuinue, but for now, i dont think i will be updating it. sorry


	46. Chapter 46

Due to the support I have received and the messages I have decided to continue the story

Chapter 45

The last couple of months had been a blur for Jess, and even more so for Kris. Both were thrilled of the prospect of becoming parents again, however the pregnancy was taking a toll on Jess emotionally and physically.

Unfortunately due to money and work issues, Kris and Jess had still been spending a lot of time apart with her in Spain and him in England, and the pregnancy hormones combined with missing Kris has made the last couple of months a nightmare, not to mention having Katie asking where her daddy was all the time. However the times that Kris was able to come and see them made it all the more special.

Kris was pacing up and down, checking his watch every couple of minutes, he could not wait to see them, as it had been nearly 3 weeks since he was able to hold them both in his arms. It was usually the other way around though, Jess and Katie waiting for him to arrive, this time though, he was waiting for them to land in England.

Jess was sitting with Katie on the plane, just as they were about to land suddenly a nervous feeling hit the bottom of her stomach, it had been several years since she had stepped foot on English soil, since before Katie was born. All her family visited her in Spain, and the only time her and Katie had left Spain was when they went to be with Kris in Ireland when his Nan had died.

Her heart went out to Kris then, Jess never thought she was capable of hate, before that trip to Ireland, but now she was in no doubt that was an emotion she was proficient in, hating how his parents and siblings treated him, and no matter how much Kris pretended he didn't care, she new deep down he was in agony because of them, that they could not see past his appearances and sexuality, that they could not see the loving, kind, funny, loyal man that he was, and they could not even see past that for Katie's sake. Jess had hoped that his family realising that he was happy, and in a relationship and a father would help change their mind, but that hope faded when she saw how they were to Kris, she knew deep down that Kris was hoping that his mum at least would come round, and accept him for who he was, but as the months passed both Kris and Jess realised this was highly unlikely.

For all the hurt that Kris had felt as a result of that trip to Ireland, in a way Jess was happy that it had happened, it bought her and Kris closer than ever, especially their last night in Ireland, Kris and Jess were at his Great Aunts house, they had finished packing for their flight home, (Kris had arranged to fly with Jess and Katie to Spain for a couple of days before going back home to Manchester) Katie had been put to bed, and Kris, Jess and Aunt Helen sat in front of the open fire, talking, laughing and chatting, however Kris was very distracted, looking out the window onto the street every now and then.

It was not until they had gone to bed she had realised what was wrong with Kris, he was hoping she would turn up, that she would tell her son she loved him, accepted him, and missed him. That night Kris and Jess hardly slept, Jess just let Kris talk, and cry, and let out all his frustrations he felt towards his family, all the while Jess had tried to convince Kris that non of it was his fault, and it was them that was missing out not him.

Jess was not happy that Kris was hurt of course, but that night answered so many questions for her, and explained so much about the early years they were together, when they were at Hollyoaks, and why it was so hard for him to admit how he felt, or let people close, for fear of being hurt, abandoned, let down and ridiculed as his family had done to him.


	47. Chapter 47

The plane had finally come to a stop on the runway, Jess took a deep breath, she was thrilled to be seeing Kris again, she missed having him hold her at night, holding her hand when they went for a walk, his loving, passionate kisses, making love to him, and most of all missed the three of them as a family, or soon to be four, she thought stroking her tummy.

However despite the happiness at the thought of seeing Kris, she was apprehensive, there was two things bugging her, the first she new was stupid, but she could not help feeling insecure, her bump had started to become very visible in the last few weeks, and she was nervous about how Kris would feel about that, she knew he was excited about the baby, as was she, but she couldn't help but feel frumpy because of her stomach, and was nervous that Kris would find it a turn off, as she was smaller when he saw her last, and also he had never seen her heavily pregnant before as he missed it with Katie. She knew deep down that Kris would love her no matter what, and accept her no matter what her appearance, as she accepts him, the second concern however was going to be harder to deal with, and she had no idea what would happen.

She couldn't help but regret how much things had changed between them all, that here she was, landing in Manchester, and terrified with the prospect of seeing them, the people who once upon a time were her closest friends, who were practically family for a few years. She knew Steph would be okay, as she was the one who was friendly with her when the gang were in Spain, had kept in contact now and then via email since she got back to England, Jess also hoped Zack would be fine, after all, it was because of him that Kris read her letter, but her main concern was Zoë, she hated her when they last saw one another, and if Jess was honest with herself, she did not blame her, Zoë felt let down and betrayed by someone who was supposed to be her best friend.

Jess just hoped for Kris sake, that if Zoë still hated her and wanted nothing to do with her that they could at least be civil, as Jess did not want Kris' farewell party to be marred by a feud or arguments.


	48. Chapter 48

Jess was exhausted, she was trying to keep an over excited 3 year old calm, whilst trying to keep an eye out for the bags off the carousel. Unfortunately one thing that Katie had inherited from Kris was his mischievousness and playfulness, and whilst it was something she adored normally in her daughter, this was not the time or place, plus the weight of her pregnancy was putting extra strain on her both physically and emotionally.

Jess was starting to loose her patience, all she wanted to do was get her bag and get out of this place, and just be in Kris' arms, she had sent Kris a text a while ago stating that she had landed, and she was dying to see him, but fate seemed to have other ideas, Jess was cursing the baggage carousel which apparently had broken down, so she was stuck waiting with a hyperactive child, who just like her was desperate to see Kris. The only thing keeping her sane at the moment were the texts from Kris, the first couple she had shown and read to Katie, as they were just saying he cant wait to see them both, he loved them etc, however the later texts were not going to be shown to Katie EVER!

OK, she was only 3 and would not be able to read them, or understand them even if she could, but they were hardly for the eyes of a child, some of them even made Jess blush, but she could not help letting her mind wander to later tonight, once Katie was tucked up asleep in the spare room.

Nearly an hour later the carousel had finally been fixed, much to her relief, and their bags arrived not long after. The two of them went through the security controls, and all the while Jess was trying to juggle the bags, plus keep hold of Katie's hand who was trying to get free, knowing her daddy was not far away. They had finally got through the airport, and Jess was looking for Kris, she knew he was here somewhere, all of a sudden Katie had managed to free herself from Jess's grip and ran as fast as her 3 year old legs would take her, at first Jess started to panic, and chase after her, calling her to stop, however when Jess laid eyes on Katies destination, she suddenly relaxed with a smile on her face, just watching her daughter run the last few yards, straight into Kris arms, all the while shouting "daddy daddy" as loud as she could.

As soon as he saw Katie run towards him and leapt into his arms, his heart surged with happiness and love, and he could not help but think that nothing could ever feel as good as this, holding his little angel in his arms, covering her with kisses, whilst she was giggling and wriggling in his arms. That thought soon changed though, when he caught his first glimpse of Jess, she was showing obviously now, and looked more radiant and beautiful than he had ever seen her, amazed at how much her body was changing, even in the three weeks since he had last seen her, her tummy seemed to have almost doubled in size.

Kris shifted Katie onto his hip, so he had his other arm free, and no sooner had he done that, Jess was in his arms, and the three of them (or four with the bump, as Kris had affectionately dubbed it) held each other tightly. Kris leant down and kissed Jess, originally it was only meant to be a gentle loving kiss, but soon turned more passionate; both were more or less oblivious to their surroundings at the airport, until Katie started to get fidgety in his arms.

"You look incredible Princes" Kris said to Jess as he placed his hand over her swollen tummy after he put Katie down on the floor.

"Thankyou Tranny, you don't look bad yourself" she said with a smirk, stroking his arm, her eyes were filled with passion.

"Now now now woman, not with a minor present" he said, winking at her

"Kris, I didn't mean that, you have a one track mind, and besides you were the one that started all that with the texts not me"

"Come on, lets get you two to the flat," he said, putting his arm around Jess, and picking up the bags with the other hand.

Just as they were walking to the car, Kris could not help but reaching his hand towards her bottom, and giving it a gentle pinch and smack.

"Oi mister hands to yourself, as you said Kris, not with a minor present" Jess replied with a smirk back at him, revelling in his attention, suddenly all her nerves about Kris being put off by the baby weight had gone out of the window, as Kris seemed unable to keep his hands off her. Even in the car, whilst he was driving, now and then his one hand would wander from the steering wheel, to gently caress her thigh or tummy, despite Jess' reminders to keep both hands on the wheel.


	49. Chapter 49

They had arrived at Kris apartment in one piece, despite his inability to keep his hands off Jess, and on the wheel! Jess looked around at the apartment, and could not help but laugh at the state that it was in, remembering back to Kris' room in the halls, he was a slob then, and he was still a bit of one now. However where she would get frustrated with the mess all those years ago, this kind of mess pleased her to see, as her dream was coming real.

The mess was due to tonnes of boxes all over the places, filled with Kris's prized possessions (or junk as Jess would tease him) On the boxes were labels for instance, DVD's, CD's, for charity shop, for junk yard, for Zac etc. After what happened in Ireland, Jess and Kris had decided that they could no longer live in separate countries, it took a while to decide how it was going to work, and what they would do, but eventually they agreed that Kris would move to Spain.

Katie and Jess' life were there, Katie had a nursery and friends she loved, and Jess had a great network of friends who were there for her, and whilst Kris would miss the radio station, and the old gang, he knew that Jess, Katie and the bump were worth it, besides, Kris could not help but think, that him living in a nice villa in Spain, with a spare room, would mean he may end up seeing more of the old gang that he did in England! As he knew the temptation of a free lodging and hot sun would be too much for them to miss, that is if they are able to draw a line over the past and build a relationship back up with Jess, as there was no way he would have people stay with them that could not forgive and forget the past, he could not do that to Jess, he knew in his heart she was filled with enough guilt as it was without others adding to it.

"Sorry, I was in the process of moving them into the dining area before I left for the airport, but I lost track of time, so didn't have a chance to move them all"

"No problem" she said as she walked over to him, giving him a quick kiss, just loving being back in his arms again. Kris was amazed, as he thought she would go off on one, about the mess

"Well Princess, looks like you've mellowed out a bit, you used to flip at the mess I made"

"Don't get used to it Mister, you aren't turning our new home into a pigsty"

"Yes ma'am" Kris jokingly replied and saluted her

"Ha Ha Ha, Kris," Jess said as she flung a cushion off the sofa at him. Which ended up them having a fight with the cushions, though Kris was being more careful than normal, well aware of the pregnancy, and not wanting to hurt them or tire her out more than normal.

The pair of them ended up falling onto the sofa, laughing, soon though the fun and laughter turned to passion, and Jess, who was lying on top of Kris by this stage, moved closer to him, and they engaged in a passionate kiss. Their hands wandered all over each other, neither could get enough of each other, that was until "Mummy where is brown ted" was uttered from their daughter, Katie had been in the bedroom she would be staying in, playing with her toys, she had now walked into the lounge, Kris and Jess's kiss had broken apart at her words, and Jess and Kris sighed with frustration, Jess lay her head on Kris shoulder briefly before getting up to help their child find her lost teddy, just as she walked towards Katie's room, she turned to Kris, and said "we will finish this later" and winked at him. Kris grinned in response, and proceeded to move the rest of the boxes into the dining area.


	50. Chapter 50

Jess had managed to find Katie's teddy, and Kris had got all the boxes out of the way, so the young family had decided to go out for a walk, and take Katie to the park to play for a while, they did not stay out for long though as Jess and Katie were not used to the colder English climate anymore, so the three of them returned to the flat. They had spent the day as a family playing games, talking, and drawing pictures with Katie.

Later that evening, Jess and Kris were in the kitchen, washing up, despite the fact that they only had a takeaway; Jess insisted that they would use proper plates to eat from, despite Kris's protestations that they could eat from the takeaway boxes, that it would save on washing up, and despite him teasing jess for being a snob for refusing to eat from the packaging, Jess would not give in.

So here they were washing up, Kris hated washing up, or drying up for that matter, so decided that if he had to do this he would at least have some fun at the same time. Whilst Jess had her back turned, putting a few glasses in the cupboard, Kris silent crept up behind her, and reached his hand down the front of her top, covering chest at the same time with soapy bubbles and water. "That's it Kris, you wait," she threatened to him, Kris dashed into the lounge where Katie was watching a dvd, trying to get out of Jess's way, it did not work however and she caught him, and started flicking the tea-towel at him. Katie watched on laughing as her mummy and daddy playfully wrestled one another as Kris was trying to get the towel from her hands. After a while, Jess stated "Come on, they aren't going to wash themselves" "Whose fault is that woman, you are the one too snobby to eat out the packing" Jess stuck her tongue out at him, and walked into the kitchen.

After a couple of minutes Kris followed her into the kitchen, and the two of them continued washing and drying up. When they had almost finished, Kris walked to Jess, standing behind her, and wrapped his arms around her front, spanning his hands over her swollen belly, amazed at the thought that she was carrying his child in their, and that soon there would be another child in his life. Kris gently kissed the sides of Jess's neck, and she leaned her back against his chest, rolling her head to the side against his shoulder allowing more access to her neck and throat, passion was rising in both of them, and Kris's hands slowly made there way over Jess's stomach, up her body, to caress her breasts, which had become even more sensitive than before. Jess moaned quietly at Kris ministrations, and slowly turned around to face him, running her hands through his hair, and pulling his head closer to hers, there mouths met with passion and force, neither could get enough of each other, Kris's hands wandered down her back to cup Jess's bottom, gently squeezing it, and pulling her body closer to his, but no matter how close they were it was not close enough for either of them as the passion was coursing through their veins. They remained like this for a while, kissing passionately, caressing one another, holding each other as close as they could, however both new it would be too good to be true, and the interruption would come soon enough.

And sure enough the interruption came, "Daddy can I have some milk?" The little voice asked, standing in the kitchen doorway, again, the pair pulled apart from the embrace,

"Cause you can angel," Kris said laughing as he walked towards the fridge, all the while musing what impeccable timing she seems to have today, glancing at a very flushed and flustered Jess.


	51. Chapter 51

Finally Katie had been put to bed and was asleep, it took three stories being read to her before she drifted off, Jess and Kris both had sat and read to her, the three of them squashed onto Katies bed, it was moments like these that both of them cherished, and neither could wait for their new life to start together, as a full time family, no more periods of time away from each other, no more flying to and from England and Spain, just to be able to spend a few days together. Both new it would be strange at first, as they had there own lives and routines, which would need to be combined, but both were excited about the future.

Kris and Jess sneaked out of the room Katie was sleeping in, so not to wake her again, whilst they both adored and loved Katie with all their hearts, they were desperate for some time alone without interruption.

Just as Jess walked towards the lounge, Kris took her hand and puller her towards him "Now princess, where were we" he said as he leant forward and took Jess into his arms kissing her with all the passion in the world, pushing her up against the wall. Jess's body responded to him instantly, as she too was craving the physical closeness she had been missing the last few weeks, and was desperate to be with Kris again.

He slowly led her towards his bedroom, never letting go, or stopping kissing her, luckily all the boxes had been moved into the dining area earlier, otherwise the flat would have been an obstacle course that one of them was bound to fall over. Hands wondered all over each other, and it was hard to tell where Jess ended and Kris started, as they were so close to each other, caressing, kissing, licking, nipping, stroking, it was as if they were one being.

They made their way onto the bed, Kris laying on his back, and Jess sat straddled across his waist, the clothes they were wearing were starting to get in the way, stifling both of them, so slowly they started to remove one another's clothes, never letting go of one another or stopping the kisses and caresses, all thoughts of insecurity had fled from Jess's mind, as Kris devoted all his attention on her body, worshiping every inch of her.

The two passionately made love time and time again that night, until exhaustion had took them over, finally giving into sleep, wrapped in each other's arms, where they belonged.


	52. Chapter 52

The next morning, Jess awoke to find Kris watching her, with a smile on his face,

"Morning Princess"

"Hi, how long you been awake?"

"A little while"

"You should've woken me"

"What and ruin the peace and quiet, its hardly quiet when your awake" he joked, Jess then hit his arm playfully

"Ouch, that hurt"

"Good it was meant to" she replied with a smirk, and she lay back in his arms.

Kris did not stop watching her though, making her more self conscious of her new body shape again, she pulled the sheet over her more, to cover up her nude body, just as she did Kris took her hands, and removed the sheet from her body once again. "Don't, you look incredible Jess" she looked into his eyes and saw the honesty and truth in them, to him she was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Kris slowly rose from his position, lying down, and crawled further down the bed, so he was in line with her tummy, he gently lowered his head and peppered soft kisses over her swollen tummy, and then gently lay his head on her tummy, being careful not to put too much weight on the baby Jess was carrying inside. Suddenly feeling more confident of showing Kris her body again, Jess just lay her head back on the pillow, and moved her hand over Kris's head, that was still resting gently on her tummy, Jess proceeded to stroke Kris's hair. They lay like this peacefully for half an hour or so, but Jess could not help but muse on that fact that this peace, happiness, and security she was feeling now, was so far removed from her previous pregnancy, and a sense of regret washed over her that by running away all those years ago, she may have stolen many moments like this from her and Kris. She was soon kicked out of those thoughts, by the kicking in her tummy, Kris's head shot up in confusion, as he had felt it while his head was lying on her tummy. Jess smiled, as she had forgotten that he had never felt the baby kick yet, "The bump has a habit of doing that lately" she said laughing at Kris' startled reaction, "Is that him?" Kris asked, "yep that's your son Kris, and I have a feeling we may have a footballer on our hands, as he seems to like using my insides as a football" she replied laughingly as Kris looked on in awe at her tummy.

After a while, the two got up, and had a shower then went to get breakfast, as they had a long day ahead of them. They had to go to the letting agency Kris was using to rent the flat out, originally both Kris and Jess were going to sell their homes (Kris' apartment in England, and Jess's in Spain), to help pay towards the new bigger home in Spain, however after the turn of events surrounding his Nans death, Kris inherited a sum of money, whilst it did not make him rich, it meant that he could afford to buy the new villa in Spain and keeping his apartment Manchester as an investment property, that one day he could pass to his children when they were older. They also had to go to the solicitors to sort some paperwork, and to the bank to sort out Kris old bank accounts, not to mention the first trip to the rubbish tip, to chuck out some of the things Kris did not want, and that were not been left in the flat for the new occupiers.

By the end of the day, both were exhausted, so the three of them (and the bump) decided to go for tea at Kris local pub to save the hassle of cooking and washing up after. The other locals could not get over how the three of them looked good as a family, none of them used to seeing Kris as the "Family man", but all said it suited him. Katie was sitting in Kris arms, fast asleep, they had been in the pub for a while, and Kris had delighted in showing off his family to those that new him, eventually they decided to go home, it was only early but they decided it would be best to get Katie in bed, and both of them were shattered any way.

When they got into the flat, Kris took Katie to her room, and laid her in the bed, he knelt at her bedside for a little while, just watching his angel in a peaceful sleep. By the time he had come out of her room, Jess was no where to be found, he checked the lounge, kitchen, dining room and their bedroom, eventually he found her though, in the bathroom.

Kris could not help but think what he was seeing was a divine sight, there she was the love of his life, the mother of his children, lying in the bath tub, covered in bubbles, with her head lying back and her eyes closed, with tiny candles dotted about the bathroom, just completely relaxing.

"Quit staring and get in will you, it will get cold if you stay there much longer"

Kris was jolted out his thoughts, by that "How did you know I was standing here?"

"Because I know you, besides, I heard the door open wider than I left it, now are you getting in here, or do I have to drag you in"

"Yes ma'am, who can resist a demand such as that" he said chuckling.

He got undressed and got into the bathtub behind Jess, the two of them lay down in the water, and just relaxed in the calming presence of one another, and the twinkling candles.


	53. Chapter 53

The following afternoon, Jess was on edge, the first couple of days back in England had been fantastic, but it had just been her, Kris, Katie and the bump, now was the real test though, as they would be arriving soon. Kris had been trying to calm her, but it was not working, he knew what she was worried about mainly, that was seeing Zoë, Jess was terrified that she would still hate her, and not accept her and Katie as part of Kris life.

Kris for his part, understood why Zoë reacted how she did to her in Spain, as she had felt betrayed and let down by Jess as he had done, the two of them had been so close once upon a time, and Kris hoped that maybe by some miracle things could be the same again between them.

Kris knew he was also a major reason why Zoë hated Jess. Zoë was terrified that Kris would go off the rails again if something went wrong this time. She had been his main supporter when he finally saw sense and quit the drugs, booze and stopped sleeping around. No matter how much he tried to push them all away when he was in self destruct mode, she would not budge, yes the others stood by him, no matter what he did and the hurtful things he said, but it was Zoë that was the main life line for Kris in those desperate days.

Zack was the first to arrive; Kris was busy trying to get Katie ready for bed, so Jess answered the door. Neither knew what to say initially, both staring at each other, Zack was the first to break the ice, when he said "come here you daft sod" and embraced her, the relief Jess felt was immense, that at least one of them had accepted her. Zack entered the lounge, and Jess got him a drink, the two of them sat chatting, and in many ways it was like old times. Kris watched them for a couple of minutes as he was coming down the hallway from Katie's room, happy that Jess was slightly more relaxed. The two guys hugged, and the three of them sat chatting for a little while until the doorbell rang again.

Jess tensed up the moment it rang, and Kris, who was sitting beside her, felt it, he gently stroked her arm, and got up to answer the door, kissing her head as he left the seat. The next noise that filled the room, was Stephs excited screech, as she ran towards Jess, the two girls hugged and Steph could not resist touching Jess's pregnant belly. The next to arrive were Rhys and Gilly, both loaded with cans of beer for them all, and Jess had opened a bottle of wine for Steph to share with Zoë, whenever Zoë arrived.

They all sat chatting, it was almost like old time, but not quite, firstly Zoe and Elliott were not here yet, and secondly, you could tell that people wanted to ask Jess questions but were not sure how or if they should ask them, sure they knew bits an pieces but not everything and not from Jess herself, the only two that did know it all was Kris and Steph, so there was an under currant of tension in the room.

The door rang again, this time, Jess went to answer it, she welcomed Elliott into the apartment and closed the door behind them, looking out into the hallway before she did to see if there was any sign of Zoë. When Jess saw there was no sign of her yet, she did not know if she was relieved or upset.

It was another half an hour before the doorbell would ring for a final time that night.


	54. Chapter 54

Zoë had been in the apartment for an hour now, though everyone tried to pretend everything was ok, the atmosphere was so thick it could be cut with a knife. Jess could not help but feel uncomfortable feeling Zoë's glare every now and then, she had tried to talk to Zoë earlier, to explain and apologise, but just like in Spain, Zoë was having non of it, it was then that Jess realised the true extent of hurt that her abandoning of her best friend had caused. She wanted to say something, but was afraid she would make it worse, the others seemed to accept her, at least on the surface any way, though she knew deep down that this was for Kris benefit only.

Jess had hoped that tonight may bring some peace and closeness between them all, like there had been all those years ago, but with the exception of Steph, and possibly Zack, she knew the others were tolerating her presence for Kris's sake, and sitting in that living room made her feel lonelier than ever, but she knew she only had herself to blame.

Jess excused herself from the room, and went into the Kitchen, on the pretence of sorting out some more drinks and snacks, but in reality she just needed to get away from the room, hearing them talk and joke about things that had happened between them in the years she was not there, had made her feel all the more distant, so she needed to get a few minutes away before her emotions would escape, the pregnancy hormones had been making it harder to keep the mask up she would use to hide her true feelings, and she did not want to spoil this for Kris, she knew how much it meant to have them here.

Jess was leaning against the kitchen table, staring out of the window, when a semi-drunk Zoë interrupted her thoughts.

"Why did you do it Jess, why are you setting him up for a fall again, he has been doing fine without you the last couple of years, as soon as you get fed up again, you will ditch him again, and he will be back to square one"

Jess knew Zoë was drunk, and rambling, but she still wanted her former best friend to understand that was not she was doing

"That's not what I am doing Zo, I love him I always have done"

Zoë laughed, and then replied, "Love, what the bloody hell do you know about it, you loved Kris, that's a joke Jess, the only one you love is yourself, and when the going gets tough, you will run again"

"It's not like that Zoë, I would never leave him again, we belong together"

"If you belong together, if you truly loved him, where were you the last 4 years Jess? Who was it that tried to sober him up night after night, sleeping on his bedroom floor, out of fear that he would end up dead in the night, choking on his own sick or tongue, where were you when when we were trying to stop him going on acid trips, doing coke, and whatever else he stuck into him, where were you when he disappeared for days on end with non of us knowing where he was or if he was dead or alive, where were you when he would pick up random people just to get laid Jess, where were you when he finally tried to sober up, did you know he had to go into rehab for it! You say you love him, but your love destroys him, and everyone else around you"

Every sentence Zoë said was like a knife in her heart, as Jess had no answer, as she believed what Zoë said was true.

She knew how much she had hurt Kris, of course, if she knew what a downward spiral he would go on she would not have left, but hindsight would not change what happened and the guilt ate at her to her very core. Tears were building in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall, just then Kris walked into the room, he had not heard any of the conversation, but knew something had happened, he could see the pain in Jess' eyes and the fury in Zoë's.

"Whats going on?"

"Nothing" Jess covered, not wanting to ruin his night

"Jess, don't lie, I can tell there is something up"

"Its OK Kris, Its sorted"

Zoë slipped out of the room, she knew Kris would not be happy with what she said, but it was the truth, and she needed to say it

Kris could tell Jess was upset, but as she obviously did not want to talk about it, he did not push, he knew she would tell him when she was ready, so Kris just held her in his arms. There was silence in the kitchen for a while, and Jess was the first to break it, "I do love you Kris, and I am sorry for what happened, you do know that don't you," her voice breaking with emotion

Kris looked directly in her eyes, "I know Jess, I know, and I love you too." He then lent down and gave her a loving kiss on the mouth.

"You have guests in there Kris, go back to them, I am OK"

"OK, if you are sure"

"I am"

Kris walked towards the kitchen door, then turned around to her "you not coming?"

"I will, just give me a sec"

"OK" and Kris blew her a kiss as he left the room

Jess took a deep breath, preparing to face them all again. She could not help but feel the irony of the situation, that she was dreading going into that lounge, and being with the people that she once trusted so much, that were a huge part of her life, knowing that now she was an outsider, and realising that Zoë had probably just vocalised what all the others were thinking, with the only true exception of Kris. She knew it had been bad for him, but it took what Zoë said to make her realise the reality of how bad he got, Steph had alluded to it, and Kris had told her a lot of it, but it was a subject that he did not like talking about much, and now she could understand why.


	55. Chapter 55

A couple of hours had passed, thankfully Jess was able to keep her emotions in check, she wanted Kris last week here to be happy, and not one where he had to feel he was playing referee for or having to choose between her and them. Soon the one by one the old friends started to leave, soon it was just Zack and Zoë there, Jess was relieved by Zacs presence, but soon he had said his farewells for the night too. Just as he had left, Jess made her excuses to leave the room, saying she was going to Katie's room to check on her, in truth Jess was unable to stand the tension between her and Zoë.

Kris started taking the glasses and plates into the kitchen, and Zoë helped him. "Is it alright if I use the loo" "course it is Zo, you know where it is, you don't have to ask" "Thanks" Kris was left in the kitchen, his brain working overtime, he hoped that tonight would go better than it had, but at least there were no fights, or so he thought.

Just as Zoë left the bathroom, she heard a quiet noise coming from the spare room, the door was partially open, so she peaked in, she could here her former best friend crying quietly, sitting on the end of the bed facing her daughter, Jess was stroking Katie's hair, trying to be as gentle and quiet as possible, despite her tears, not wanting to wake her daughter. Jess heard the door creak open slightly, and as she did so, she wiped her tears.

As her back was facing the door, she did not see who had entered the door, assuming it was Kris, without turning round she said "Go back in there Kris, I am fine, you have your friend in there, you should spend time with her before you leave" When she had no reply and did not hear anyone exit the room, Jess then continued "I mean it Kris, I am ok, just go back in there"

The voice that replied to her this time shocked her to the core, "the was a time you would refer to me as your friend to" Zoë said without any emotion in her voice. Jess looked around to see Zoë in the room, and looked at the face of the person she had once been so close to, who she once could read instantly, at it killed Jess inside that she was no longer able to read Zoë, that she had no idea what she was feeling or thinking.

"Zo, if you have come to give me a hard time again, don't bother, nothing you or anyone else can say can make me feel more guilt than I have carried around for me the last few years, no one can make me feel more regret at taking those years together away from Kris and Katie, no one can feel me more hurt than I do at knowing how Kris almost destroyed himself. You have no idea what it is like watching the two of them together, knowing that they could have had years of this, they adore each other, and because of me, they have those lost years. I do love him, and he loves me, we are a family Zoë, no matter what. I am not stupid, I know it wont be plain sailing all the way, but I know what it is like to be apart from him, the loneliness, the fear, the insecurity, the heartbreak, and I don't ever want to go back to that again, and neither does he."

Jess had said this with tears streaming down her eyes and was shaking.

"Jess, I…"

"No Zo, not now, I know you hate me and wont forgive me, and that's fine, I accept that but for Kris sake, I don't want him to feel he has to protect me or chose between us, you've been a good friend to him, and I thank you for that, but I cant get into this any more not now, I am tired and emotional, and you have been drinking too, I don't want either of us to say anything to make this worse, for his sake. I understand you don't want me around, but please don't make this harder for him, I want his last few days with you all to be nice, not about anger and hurt, I don't want to come between you all, I know I am an outsider now no matter how much that hurts and I wish it wasn't true, I am, and before you say it Zoë, I know it is of my own making, and I accept that, so please Zo, just go to the lounge and be with Kris, I will be in there soon"

Zoë walked back into the kitchen, and carried on helping Kris tidy up, "Kris?"

"Yeah Zo", "Never mind, it doesn't matter" "Come-on, what is it?" "Kris don't be mad when I ask you what I am about to, buy are you sure this is what you want, that this is the right thing?"

"You mean me and Jess?"

"Everything, going back to her, the baby, moving away from here to somewhere you don't know, away from your friends"

It was then Kris realised what Zoë was getting at, she was frightened that he would fall off the wagon at the first sign of trouble.

"Zo, I know what you are afraid of, and for a while so was I, but I need this, they make me happy, I have been putting a front on for years, especially after I became clean, pretending I was happy, don't get me wrong, I was happy when you guys were around, or at work, but at night, when I came home, to an empty room, all I could think about was how lonely I was, how much I missed her, I tried for years to get over Jess, and yes I managed to convince you guys I was, but in truth I was never able to move on, no matter how hard I tried. Jess is my soul mate, I love her and I need her, the kids are the icing on the top of the cake, you have no idea to know how it feels when I am with them, and I am never letting them go, please Zoë, I understand why you hate her, and why you are angry and hurt, so was I for a while, but please if you cant get passed that, for my sake, please just support me on this, understand this is what I want and need, I understand that you cant be friends with her, but please be civil around her and accept her as part of my life, as the woman I love, and as the mother of my children"

The two of them continued washing and drying up in silence, then Zoë decided it was time for her to leave, Jess came out of Katie's room, just as Kris was walking her to the door, Kris hugged Zoë bye, and then put his arm around Jess and she lay her head on his shoulder. Zoë turned away and walked towards the door. As she made her way home, her head was filled with the image of Kris and Jess together, the conversations she had with Jess and Kris.


	56. Chapter 56

The next few days passed quickly, as both had so much to do in preparation for their new life together in Majorca, Kris and Jess has seen Steph several times, and Kris was happy to see one of their old friends truly accept Jess, Steph also adored Katie so would often play with her when she came to visit. They had seen Zack once since that night, and when it was just them and Zack, the atmosphere was a lot calmer and relaxed, Zack admitted to Jess that he too had the same concerns Zoë did about her and Kris, however he also said that watching them together again made him realise that Kris had got a sparkle back in his eyes again, and regained his thirst for life, and that he realised that maybe Jess being back was the best thing that could have happened to Kris.

However the one person Jess really wanted to accept her had not been in contact at all, they had not heard anything from Zoë, they knew she was still in Manchester, and not back in London yet, as she had seen Zack and Steph a few times. Initially Jess hoped that maybe she would eventually come round, not that she blamed her if she didn't, but more because she hated the hurt that it was causing to Kris. She knew that during his darkest days, Zoë was Kris' biggest support, and they had become closer than ever over the years, and that in some way Zoë was the sister to him that his couldn't be, and no matter how nasty he turned when he was on the drugs, or how much he tried to push her away, she would not cave in, and after during the times Kris had been trying to get clean. She was there for him every step of the way, even during the times he fell of the wagon in the early period of his recovery. Jess knew that Kris was hurting because of Zoë's absence from his life, and that made Jess feel guiltier. Kris has sent Zoë a text the day after they were all at the flat but she did not know what was in it, but knew that Kris had no response from his friend.

Meanwhile the last few days had been confusing for Zoë, the words Kris and Jess had said to her that night were going over and over again in her head.

Part of her wanted Jess in her life, she had missed her former friend, Kris always teased her for her tom-boyish quality but that was not all of who she was, Zoë had felt more comfortable around guys, after all girls could be so cruel and vicious to one another, one thing she had experienced first hand when she was bullied at school, but Jess bought out the girly side in her, and she could not help but remember the girly chats over a bottle of wine or a chick flick, the teasing over who fancied who, or the support that Jess was after the truth about will had come out. However every time she remembered one of these moments, the memory was marred by the way in which Jess abandoned them without a word, and the downward spiral that disappearance had caused.

Zoë got out her mobile and read Kris' message again, for what felt the100th time in the last couple of days.

"Zo, pls talk to Jess, She misses u and is sorry, u both mean the world 2 me, and I don't want 2 loose u as a m8. I know u r worried but its different now. pls accept I am happy with Jess luv K xxx"

Kris was carrying Katie on his back, she loved it when her daddy gave her piggybacks, Jess was walking slightly behind them, chatting on her mobile, and laughing at Kris and Katie's games. By now Kris and Jess had given up on Zoë coming around to the situation, and whilst it hurt both of them, they had no choice but to accept it, Kris tried not to let on to Jess how much the estrangement from Zoë had hurt him, as he knew she blamed herself for that, and did not want to upset or stress her out anymore that she was already, the pregnancy was taking its toll on Jess as it was so he was determined not to make it worse.

The three of them had been doing one of Kris and Jess's favourite past times – shopping, and it was apparent their daughter was taking after them! Soon after Jess finished her phone call, Kris lifted Katie higher so she was sitting on his shoulders, giving him a free arm to wrap around Jess's waist, though typically it did not stay round her waist for long, as now and then his hand crept lower, to her bottom, giving it a squeeze now and then.

The three of them were walking back to the apartment, chatting and laughing, and oblivious to anything and anyone around them. In fact they were so oblivious to the surroundings, they walked straight past the last person they thought they would expect to see.

"Kris, Jess!"

The person called, Jess and Kris turned around, completely shocked to see her

"Zoë, hi" Kris stated, in complete awe.

"Hi, um…um" Zoë suddenly did not know where to start, for hours she had practiced what she was going to say, but being there, right in front of them, she was suddenly lost for words, her brain refusing to go into gear.

Eventually Zoë managed to speak, and looked directly at Jess, "Can we talk, please Jess"

"Of course, come in," Jess replied, nervous, as she was not sure how to act around Zoë any more. They entered the apartment, at first no one knew what to say, but Jess, knowing that her and Zoë needed to clear the air decided to break the ice, "Do you want a drink?"

"Yes please, look I know I have no right to ask this, I know what I said the other night was harsh, but I need answers Jess"

"That's fine, I understand that Zo,"

"I cant make promises Jess, I cant promise that we can go back to how we are, but I want to try and understand, for Kris sake, I don't want to loose the friendship I have with you Kris" she stated, the last bit directed towards Kris.


	57. Chapter 57

Jess and Kris were in the kitchen, Jess had gone to get Zoë a drink, and had asked Kris to join her. Zoë was sitting in the living area, where Katie was playing with her toys.

"Hello, you must be Katie"

"Yes, who are you?"

"I'm Zoë, an old friend of you parents

"Oh, wanna play with the ponies" Katie asked pointing towards the My Little Ponys that were on the floor around her

"OK then" Zoë said with a laugh as she got down on the floor, playing with Katie.

Jess and Kris were in the kitchen, he could tell Jess was worried, so walked up to her and gave her a warm loving hug, Jess sighed, relaxing in Kris's warmth.

"Kris, don't take this the wrong way but…"

"But what"

"I don't think you should be here for a while"

"What you mean"

"I think me and Zoë need time on our own to talk about everything, to try and see if we can straighten things out"

Kris looked put out, and Jess realised that he was feeling as though Jess was distancing herself from him

"Baby, I don't mean it badly" Kris did not look at Jess, as he was hurt by her words, she slowly placed her hands on the sides of his face, and gently turned him so he was facing her, "Kris, its not that I don't want you here, I do, but I have a feeling if you are here, Zoë will hold back, she wont say what she really wants to, as she wont want to make you angry, or hurt, she blames me for what happened to you, and you and I both know that I have to take some of that blame, if not all, but the only way we can clear the air and maybe salvage a friendship, is if she can ask me what she wants, and if she is holding her tongue because you are here, the tension and hurt between us will always be there"

Kris knew that what Jess was saying was right, but that did not mean he liked it, firstly he did not want her and Zoë to get in an argument especially not in Jess' condition, and secondly he did not want to see Jess get more upset, and wanted to be there to comfort her if she did.

Jess knew Kris was not happy still, so decided to use her way of persuading him, Jess gently placed kisses up and down his neck and face, running her hands up and down his back, soon she bought his mouth to hers and the two engaged in a passionate kiss. Jess slowly pulled from Kris, "And there will be more of where that come from if you do as I ask" she said with a sly smile and a glint in her eye, Kris new instantly what she was referring to, and deciding to stay on Jess' good side, (especially knowing that a pregnant and hormonal Jess in a bad mood was not such a good thing, especially if he did not want to be sleeping alone on the sofa tonight) he agreed, on one condition though, he got another kiss. The two kissed again, and as usual the passion rose, and hands began wandering over one another.

"Something's don't change do they" Zoë said with a giggle, Katie had dragged her into the Kitchen, as she wanted to show her mum and dad a picture her and Zoë had just drew, Zoë's giggles got louder though at Katie's reaction "Yuck! They always do that!" the 3 and a half-year-old stated.

Kris and Jess pulled apart, both going a bright shade of red, partly due to Zoë catching them in a passionate embrace (not that she had not seen it before, as all those years ago when they lived together, Kris and Jess often got carried away!) and also due to their child's remark.

"Yuck is it missy" Kris stated laughing, "do you think this is yuck then" he said chasing her into the living room, around the sofa, until he finally caught his daughter giggling daughter and covered her with kisses and tickling her at the same time. Jess and Zoë just watched with smiles on their faces at the father and daughter rolling around having tickle fights, laughing and playing around.

Kris remembering his conversation with Jess before then suggested he takes Katie to the park to feed the ducks, leaving Zoë and Jess alone in the apartment to try and work through the past.

"She's a lovely girl Jess"

"Thanks, she is, she means the world to me"

"She's also the spitting image of Kris"

"Tell me about it" Jess said with a smile, "She has his personality traits as well, stubborn, always wants her own way, very cheeky and extremely mischievous and a nightmare to get out of bed in the morning, not that I would have it any way" Jess said with a grin, obviously proud of her headstrong child.

"So where do you want to start Zo, I will answer what ever you want me to"


	58. Chapter 58

Previously:

Jess knew Kris was not happy still, so decided to use her way of persuading him, Jess gently placed kisses up and down his neck and face, running her hands up and down his back, soon she bought his mouth to hers and the two engaged in a passionate kiss. Jess slowly pulled from Kris, "And there will be more of where that come from if you do as I ask" she said with a sly smile and a glint in her eye, Kris new instantly what she was referring to, and deciding to stay on Jess' good side, (especially knowing that a pregnant and hormonal Jess in a bad mood was not such a good thing, especially if he did not want to be sleeping alone on the sofa tonight) he agreed, on one condition though, he got another kiss. The two kissed again, and as usual the passion rose, and hands began wandering over one another.

"Something's don't change do they" Zoë said with a giggle, Katie had dragged her into the Kitchen, as she wanted to show her mum and dad a picture her and Zoë had just drew, Zoë's giggles got louder though at Katie's reaction "Yuck! They always do that!" the 3 and a half-year-old stated.

Kris and Jess pulled apart, both going a bright shade of red, partly due to Zoë catching them in a passionate embrace (not that she had not seen it before, as all those years ago when they lived together, Kris and Jess often got carried away!) and also due to their child's remark.

"Yuck is it missy" Kris stated laughing, "do you think this is yuck then" he said chasing her into the living room, around the sofa, until he finally caught his daughter giggling daughter and covered her with kisses and tickling her at the same time. Jess and Zoë just watched with smiles on their faces at the father and daughter rolling around having tickle fights, laughing and playing around.

Kris remembering his conversation with Jess before then suggested he takes Katie to the park to feed the ducks, leaving Zoë and Jess alone in the apartment to try and work through the past.

"She's a lovely girl Jess"

"Thanks, she is, she means the world to me"

"She's also the spitting image of Kris"

"Tell me about it" Jess said with a smile, "She has his personality traits as well, stubborn, always wants her own way, very cheeky and extremely mischievous and a nightmare to get out of bed in the morning, not that I would have it any way" Jess said with a grin, obviously proud of her headstrong child.

"So where do you want to start Zoë, I will answer what ever you want me to"

---------------------------------------------------------

Sorry for the delay, here is the new chapter

Chapter 57

The two sat in silence for a while, Zoë, was obviously contemplating Jess' question, its not that she didn't have anything she wanted to know, but it was more of a problem of where to start and how to start, Zoë's mind was awash with questions, thoughts, hurt and anger. Sensing Zoë's uncertainly on where to start, and knowing that sitting in silence was not going to get them any where, Jess preceded to tell Zoë her side of the story, about why she left and how, although she knew that Kris had shown Zoë the letter she wrote to him when they were in Majorca, Jess also knew that Zoë needed to hear it from her own mouth.

Zoë stayed silent, listening intently to Jess's story, however, she could not contain the tears when Jess came to explain that fateful night before her departure, how Jess lay in Kris arms, whilst he was fast asleep, with his hand over her tummy, over the child he was not even aware existed. Zoë could not help put imagine herself in that situations, full of the fear of being rejected by the person she needed the most, crying as silently as possible so not to wake the person beside her who she loved more than life itself.

It was at that stage Zoë then asked the question she had been desperate to know the answer to for all these years. Jess was not the only one who carried around guilt over what happened, as since Zoë realised that Katie was Kris's daughter, she to realised that she could have put a stop to all this years ago, had she realised that Jess had lied to her. Jess was supposed to be her best friend, but she could not help but question how good a friend she was to Jess, she thought she could sense when Jess was not telling the truth, but back then, Jess outright lied to her, and she believed that lie. Zoë knew deep down though that Jess was not the only one to blame for that, and had she not been so wrapped up in her own life, she would have realised that all was not fine with Jess, Zoë could not help but rebuke herself for that.

"Why did you lie to me Jess, I could've helped you"

Jess was stunned into silence, and looked into her former best friends eyes, both filled with tears and emotion.


	59. Chapter 59

The two girls recalled that fateful day, the one that at the time, Zoë had no idea that it would be Jess' last day in the village, and the last day they would ever see here for years to come. The secret that Zoë had been holding onto for so long was foremost in both their minds. You see, Jess was not alone in knowing about the pregnancy; indeed Zoë was with her at the time a few weeks before Jess's departure. Jess was frightened and alone, and had to confide in someone, Kris had thought that she was cheating on him at the time, because she had become distant, Jess needed to confide in someone and told Zoë of her fears that she was pregnant, Zoë dragged her to the chemist for a pregnancy test that very day.

Kris had never been told the complete story of the day of Jess' departure from their lives. Jess did not want to hurt Kris any further, and he did not want to risk his and Zoë's friendship by revealing that she was aware that Jess was pregnant.

Flashback, to Jess's final morning:

Jess was lying in Kris' bed, all the others had left the flat for lectures or to go to work, Jess thinking she was alone put on her nightgown and went to the kitchen for a drink, before she started her packing

"Morning," Zoë said with a grin on her face, "so from the noises last night, I take it you and Kris are back on"

Jess was startled, as she believed that she was alone

"Oh, um, um yeah" Jess hesitated, knowing that if she said too much there was a risk that Zoë would catch on to her plan

"You told him yet?"

"What"

"You know what Jess, the baby"

"Look Zo, drop it!" Jess shouted, starting to loose control over her emotions

"He has a right to know!" she shouted back

"Zo, I mean it, drop it"

"No Jess, this is not about you, he has a right to know, an either you tell him or I do!"

"Look there is no baby alright," Jess screamed

"What are you on about, course there is a baby, I was with you when you did the test and went to the doctors"

"There isn't anymore ok, just drop it"

"I cant just drop it, what do you mean?"

"I had a termination alright!"

"When? How?" Zoë stuttured, completely stunned by Jess's revelation

"The other day, when I went home for a couple of days, when Kris and I were fighting, so just drop it ok"

Silence filled the room, Jess hated lying, afterall, Zoë had been the only one there for her since she found out, but she knew that Zoë was not making idle threats, and she would tell Kris, either before she left the village, and she knew that if that happened she would be talked into staying, (and although in her heart she did not want to leave, she believed it was best for Kris and the baby, if he did not reject them, in the long run she believed he would resent being tied down to her and their child an it would destroy everything between them) The other option was equally as bad, as Jess knew that when they discovered she has left she knew Zoë would tell Kris, and could not bare the repercussions of that. Jess justified in her own mind that lying to Zoë was the best thing she could do for her, the baby and Kris. That way Kris could go on with his life, without ties, resentment, or kids he did not want.


	60. Chapter 60

Jess couldn't help but feel the guilt over that lie she told all those years ago, and although at the time she was able to justify it, looking at Zoë, at the hurt an betrayal shown in her eyes, she knew she couldn't. Jess explained to Zoë her reasons for doing saying what she did, and realised that Zoë too had regrets about that day, that she accepted what Jess said about the termination, that she did not question her more about why, believing that had she done so, maybe the mask that Jess was wearing that day would crack.

Zoë could not help but think what if, what if she bunked off that lecture, what if she told Kris about the baby days before Jess left or what if she told Kris after Jess left that she had been pregnant.

For years Zoë had been keeping 2 secrets from Kris 1. That Jess had been pregnant by him and 2.that she had saw Jess the morning of her departure, and could not help but think maybe she should have stuck around the flat, and maybe the last few years would not have happened, that Kris would not have gone off the rails, that they could have been a family.

It was for these 2 reasons that Zoë carried around a lot of hurt and anger towards Jess, for putting her in a position that she was lying to her best friend, who over the years had become like a brother to her, after Jess' return Zoë wanted to tell Kris all of this, but was afraid that he would be angry at her for hiding it from him, for siding with Jess by keeping the promise she made to Jess to never tell him she was ever pregnant. But most of all, she was afraid that Kris would blame her for the lost years, and had he known, maybe he would have tracked Jess down to be able to confront her about the "termination" and if he did, he would have found out the lie, that she was still carrying their child.


	61. Chapter 61

sorry for the delays, thanks for the reviews i really appreciate it. i am having a bad case of writers block, i sort of know what i want to happen but when i try and write the next part the words just wont flow

i am going away for on holiday for quite a while (6 weeks) on monday so i am not sure if i will be able to post any until i am back, i really apologise about this, and hope you guys forgive me. if i cant get any more written before i go i will definatly write more when i get back, fingers crossed i will get some inspiration while i am on hols in australia.


	62. Chapter 62

Author Note

hi all sorry for the lack of updates, i have not been able to write any for a loooong time, real life has got in the way, not to mention lack of inspiration, and disollusionment over how the kress story was ended, however i didnt think it was fair to the readers by not giving the option of me at list finishing the story off, if there is still interest in the story, please let me know and i will try some way to get it finished


	63. Chapter 63

Everyday it was the same routine, but she would not change a thing, well that's not quite true, she would give anything for hi

Author Note – its been so long since I last updated this story, and I am so sorry but I have been out of inspiration, if people have suggestions on where they want it to go, I am open to ideas. It seems so long since Jess left, and I was a bit disillusioned with hollyoaks after Jess/kris were written towards the end, but if people want me to continue the story I will try, please let me know


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